As I've said in the last few days...
I find it hard to
to release control
release love
and emit unconditional love
i am flighty and get scared that people will back away from my intensity
I had a bit of an oucheys but cathartic talk with my soul brother dan last night
he said to me
why do you freak out so much when you think people are judging you badly
you rabbit on about not being prejudiced or judgemental and only your own self thoughts mattering
but then get so upset when you hear people think you are weird or strange or whatever
you get the most upset out of anyone i know
i bit back at him
but then thought about it
and realised he was right
he wasn't saying it to hurt me, he was saying it because he saw the big picture where i could not.
i love, but not unconditionally
i am nice, but not unconditionally
and i am working on it
it always counts on how people react to me or see me
but that's no way to live is it?
because he's right - an open heart is for *me* first and foremost
that others can choose to see me how they please
and it's all okay
this is hard to accept
but its happening.
i am growing every day! just like you!
loving you in all our fear and love and open-heartedness and courageousness and sillyness ;-)
tee hee hee
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