i miss you

this is fitting as it's the last day of august...

and august for me is my "grief" month...
and I didn't grieve as I usually do...
it's been a little bit bottled this month compared to other years...
perhaps i don't want to feel it all again.

my eldest brother died in a farm accident when I was 14.
he was 25.
he never got to meet his niece and nephew.
he didn't get to meet my partner.

one day he was there, the next he was not.

it felt like for a long time that there was someone missing in the family.
I feel so glad that I'm one of five kids and thus still had another brother and two sisters when he was gone.
He was born with cerebral palsy, and suffered brain damage at birth...
he was a champion though, and never thought of things as limitations...
he was an athlete and a farmer...

The hole is mending bit by bit... but when I think of it... it hurts all over again.

The accident is in my memory, but it still is painful.

sigh

I miss his blue eyes
and him bringing home big paper bags of "teeth" lolly
and his turquoise car
his throaty laugh
and grin

But... I am immensely grateful that I had the pleasure of being his sibling.
That I knew him.
That I got to be a part of his journey

Wherever you are Clinty
I miss you
and love you

We all do.

A day's mumblings and chirpings

Today
I am a rollercoaster
Sometimes happy
sometimes brimming with love
Sometimes just okay
sometimes like I'm a bit red raw from scrubbing with steel wool


The words are not flowing out today
they are dripping like a tap


i am unable to write about anything much
so i'll write about my day shall i?

Today we woke up in our spare bedroom. We are getting a new king size bed tomorrow and have moved our bed into the spare room in preparation. It has been exciting, a bit like a mini-holiday of sorts. A change is as good as a holiday. Even if it's just sleeping in your spare room for a few nights.

Had uni this morning. I love my lecturer's accent - he is an ex pom and has a wonderful toffee/plum way of speaking. I am not really listening in his lectures, I just sit and highlight my textbook. Perhaps I'll learn through osmosis. I do find when I get into it though that it is very interesting - the economic history of Aus' relations with Asia.

Work was nice today. My workmates are just so lovely. Had my SARK and my Healing with the Angels cards with me so we had a group card reading session. Tee hee hee. They all dig the cards - the cynical ones too. It's lovely to have open hearted sessions at work.

Me and Deb went looking for a journal for her and our friend Sally at lunch. She ended up buying one identical to mine... they are such beautiful books! Only 22 more sleeps till Deb goes to Haw*aiiiiiiii... how lovely for her!

Also bought Everyday Enlightenment - How to be a spiritual warrior at the kitchen sink by Venerable Yeshe Chodron.

Then on the bus I had a very groovy yak with Paris. He is one totally cool dude. It is absolutely fascinating to talk to someone who is into the same things ~ his sincerity, wisdom and quirkiness are delightful! Simply *talking* to other people on public transport opens whole new worlds of enjoyment, adventure, conversation and friendship.

Reflecting now back on the day ~ I am quite astounded... I realise that the people which most affected me today ~ Deb, Emelisa, Paris ~ are all *new* additions in Leonie World... two months ago I did not know them! How marvellous is this!

It seems very quiet in blogworld ~ where is everyone and how is everyone?


love laughter and quiet retrospective moments
leonie

And how is this for a funny way to end this blog...
Tony Barber singing Polyester Girl! ho ho ho :)

What a funny lovely world!

Married to amazement

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

~ Mary Oliver


From jen gray's website

What touched me today

* Getting my shoes absolutely soaked through
from walking in the rain.

* The Daily Guru's Message of the Day:

"The people I see moving through the
new wave of spiritual energy
over the next ten to twenty years are not the people
who have a long list of diplomas and degrees,
but the people who know how to unlearn everything
that society has taught them.

The process of unlearning will make room for the
Universal Knowledge of God
to be instilled upon them.
God needs an empty slate upon which to write.

At the moment, our slates are full of information
which has little or no benefit to help save us
from the hole we are in.

This Knowledge comes to an individual who has
emptied their mind of useless clutter,
because the mind has become the main obstacle
to receiving Gods Inspiration and Love.

If your mind is full, your heart cannot receive
that which is being sent to it from up above.
The mind is the barrier.
It takes all the heavenly signals that come from a
higher place and distorts it."

* Learning about the creative sides of my workmates -
what a delightful surprise!

* An email from Emelisa

* A Kinder Surprise ~ chocolate with a toy in it ~
a surprise from our new workmate

* Rainy days

* A new journal with purple, pink, cream, lime pages...
a place to be lost in

* RADII - revolutions in online writing

* "The hope that is left after all your hopes are gone --
that is pure hope, rooted in the heart."

- David Steindl-Rast Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer

Chasing Happiness

I had an interesting conversation with a bus friend of mine, Paris...
He is a traditional Buddhist and we had a debate on happiness.
He said that as a Buddhist, you sought to leave behind desire for everything, including happiness - you desire or crave for nothing, including being happy.
I argued that happiness was a part of that journey - if you chose to be happy, the rest would follow.

I realised today he is right.
Today I am not feeling as happy as I usually do
and I am afraid that I will not get back to that happiness
I am craving, desiring happiness
and am sad at losing it.

If I was more buddhist I would not feel so sad at losing happiness, albeit briefly or not.
Joy is something that happens as a result of leaving behind desire.

Spirit Messenger

Gordon Smith...
there's a show on him at the moment
I think he is very beautiful
A barber who is a lovely, respectful spirit messenger

Thanking the Nemesis

Just watched ALONG CAME POLLY
with Ben Stiller and Jen Aniston

At the end, he thanks the man that had an affair with his wife
because he ended up with Jen.

I was touched by this.
Thanking the nemesis.
Thanking those people or situations that were hurt*filled at the time
but in retrospect, were the best thing for you.


There was a song by Garth Brooks that always stuck in my head

"Unanswered Prayers"

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all
And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

And they are... aren't they?

Daily Guru ~ self discovery

When you are feeling overwhelmed on your spiritual journey, put the books down, stop the meditating and take a well earned break. Its OK, don’t worry about going backwards, because every yard gained on the journey is never lost. You can always pick up from where you left off from.

The spiritual journey is likened to a train trip. Every once in a while you can get off at a station along the way and explore the area. Then when you are ready, catch the next train and head off to the next destination.

Some people get off at a certain area and never get back on again; some people get back on and go the whole way. Its up to you.

Eventually the journey to God must be made, whether its in this lifetime or the next. Your ultimate journey of self discovery is inevitable.


Subscribe and be inspired by the Daily Guru

Gratefulness, happiness

For happiness is not what makes us grateful.
It is gratefulness that makes us happy.

- David Steindl-Rast
A Listening Heart

No judgements day

I proclaim FRIDAY
to be my non-judgement day!

Tomorrow I will try to stop negative assumptions that I make
and just

let

everything

and

everyone

~~~ be ~~~

just as they are.


Hurrah!

My thanks
to Zetts and Dan for the inspiration for this post
and to Charlie who's holding my hand in this bloggy world
and to my boy who gives me the love i need to explore my dark bits

Gratefulness exercise

Sweet beautiful deb
told me of an exercise to do

~

when you lay down to sleep
think one thing of the day that you are grateful for
even if it is a bad day, and you cannot think of one good thing
think "I am grateful the day has ended and I am here."

that way you will fall asleep thinking of those blessings in your life

and start to wake thinking of those things to be grateful for

it will grow in your mind so you begin to see life for its all little little blessings
a hot cup of tea, a good chat with a friend, a smooth day, everyday miracles
and the big blessings
love, friendships, hugs, life, breathing

you will see more beauty and gratefulness
just with simple awareness

~~

so, this post is dedicated to dearest dear deb
i am immensly grateful for the wonderful experience that is her friendship
i love to watch her ~ she expends love in big purple and pink waves
Deb is always open for love and adventure!

Control releasing ~ cathartic seeing

As I've said in the last few days...

I find it hard to
to release control
release love
and emit unconditional love
i am flighty and get scared that people will back away from my intensity

I had a bit of an oucheys but cathartic talk with my soul brother dan last night

he said to me
why do you freak out so much when you think people are judging you badly
you rabbit on about not being prejudiced or judgemental and only your own self thoughts mattering
but then get so upset when you hear people think you are weird or strange or whatever
you get the most upset out of anyone i know

i bit back at him
but then thought about it
and realised he was right
he wasn't saying it to hurt me, he was saying it because he saw the big picture where i could not.

i love, but not unconditionally
i am nice, but not unconditionally
and i am working on it
it always counts on how people react to me or see me
but that's no way to live is it?
because he's right - an open heart is for *me* first and foremost
that others can choose to see me how they please
and it's all okay
this is hard to accept
but its happening.
i am growing every day! just like you!

loving you in all our fear and love and open-heartedness and courageousness and sillyness ;-)

tee hee hee

A Note... from the Universe

Oh wow...
I just signed up for Notes from the Universe from tut.com... and received this this morning... I was just thinking about the synchronicity of it all.
I feel my inner core opening so much at the moment.
It is is scary but so so warming and lovely and beautiful

" Sure, Leonie, I used to believe in accidents, coincidences, and chance... Until one memorable day, when I stared out at the world from your very eyes, listened to it, with your very ears, felt it, with your very heart, all while thinking your own thoughts, and all at once I realized: You had become everything I'd ever dreamed you'd be, so very long ago.
Nice going, The Universe "

And I am... I am becoming what I wanted to be, how I wanted to see myself. Surrounding myself with love and likeminded people.

My dear friend Emelisa emailed me this morning ~ speaking about how scary it can be to open your heart - not just to another person, but to the world and to yourself:
"I dont like this fear, I get scared because I have opened my heart more than anything
But I also know my open heart is for me and I dont choose to ever shut it down again from fear
But I am learning, to love myself still in these areas"

Being touched with everyday extraordinary interactions with others on the same path.
This last month I have reconnected with amazing and beautiful people from my past who have helped me see new sides of myself.
And whole worlds in me have been opened by new friends who just pop up one day and it's like they've always been there ~ like Emelisa.
We're all here, supporting each other's journeys and learning and loving together.
It's an extraordinary thing isn't it?

Wow wow wow
I am so thankful I am documenting all of this
What a wonderous month this has been for me
I finally get what this whole MOON thing is about too...
It started with a new blue moon, and it's been absolutely magical.

Opening my heart, no matter how scary!
And keeping it open... that can be the challenge!
Dearhearts, thank you for accompanying me and holding my hand in this journey.


Subscribe to notes from the universe
www.tut.com

People I'd love to comment here

Would love to get comments and hellos from everyone
If you're reading right now
Press on the Comment button underneath this post
I promise I'll write back ;)

Zetty
Charlie~Marlie
Danal
Deb
Matt T
Sonia

and you!

Love
xoxo


There is a Secret One inside each of us.

A shadow moment

If the truth of it be known
I think I am actually much more flighty
to run and hide
than people recognise
That sometimes I am only a few steps
from hiding and disappearing from people
That the shell of my being
is very quick to close if poked too hard too many times

The thing about being a scorpee is that I won't bite
I'll lash out with my quietness and my non-presence.
That sometimes I don't know if I can quite stay *open*
for interaction and love
when I become fear*full.
I fear at times that I others will see me as annoying or too intense
That they don't feel the same way about me as I do about them
That a friendship may be too emotion*filled on my behalf

Underneath me is a girl who runs when it gets too much
Who hides, but not sincerely -
she is always hoping that someone will come to find her.

And therein lies my shadow moment...
When I see myself as more fractured than I realise.


And herein lies my light*filled moment
When I see that everything is really okay and that I am loved and that I do love.
And I do love.

Doubt thou the sun are fire
Doubt that the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt I love
- Shakespeare

And that goes for all of you. ;-)

My scribble of the day

To Be accepting.

I am finding it hard to release control.

I am finding it hard to love unconditionally.

I am seeing parts of myself that I didn't know existed - I am much more fractured than I realised.

I am still growing out of the pains of the past.

I don't want to be jaded or afraid to love or stuck in what has gone before.

I don't want to be self conscious or see myself in any way that is not love and acceptance.

All this past~digging in the last few days has brought up so much - some jewels, some mud.

Word For the Day

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and
whispers, "Grow, grow."

- The Talmud


I really really like this one. In so many ways.

Much love to you all,
Leonie

~ grow, grow, grow ~

Artist of the Week - Ben

~ Baby Ben ~


Ben is a brilliant dude who I met on a bus
His everyday stories of adventures in suburbia
never fail to enlighten and amuse me
He sees adventure in little things
And is always so damn happy when he gets to spend his weekends drawing.
He's an animator full time and
has his own cartoons as well
Ben has such a gentle fun loving nature
and a delicious love of pop culture and humour

Here's his Tae Bo Jesus



And a groovy chick...



I'm so glad to have a friend like Ben in my life
As Di would say, he's one of da bomb-est people I've met this year!
hee hee hee

The heart artist

Wonderfully wise Emelisa called me
on the weekend
(Featured Artist from two weeks ago)
It was the first time we have "spoken"
We met online at the Marvellous Message Board
I had always felt drawn to her
Her warmth, compassion
amazing open heart
Her conscious conscious journey and learning
Loving herself and loving others
She shares her story willingly and sweetly
Her life is an open book
Her heart is an open one
It was a delight to speak to her
We spoke for three hours
How amazing to speak to a stranger and yet get along so well.
She spoke about going through a period of immense growth and creativity, and then becoming stuck - becoming anal and rigid.
It reminded me of when I would become anal in my art... my art teacher at the time, Turiart, said once how it was like a bird flying for the first time, and realising it was flying, being so dang excited it was flying, it was flying about thinking I'M FLYING I'M FLYING and it becomes sooo excited it somersaults and ends up with it's head stuck up its arse.
I think it's a fabulous analogy of becoming anal.

So yes, Raficki ~ Emelisa is a dear spirit
even when she feels anal
she bursts with colour
I feel so blessed to have met her!

Word For the Day

To be able to spread an aura of goodness and peace should be the
motive of life.

- Paramahansa Yogananda



The best way to show our gratitude to God and the people is to
accept everything with joy.

- Mother Teresa



Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

- Rabindranath Tagore

books glorious books

went book crazy today
a fantastic book store called
Book's Passions
everything $8

bought Single and Loving it
for my sister
who's going through the motions
of leaving her boyfriend of five years
I want to support her as much as I can

middle eastern mosh memories

had wonderful tasty dinner tonight
of indian lamb curry

reminded me of sonia's 17th birthday

the amazing middle eastern banquet
with 20 of the most diverse 17 year olds

that night me and sonia danced in the rain
goddessas in the backyard

it was beautiful

***

Update... 9.55 pm Monday night

Talking to Dan again
and he laughs at this post
tells me it reminds him too
of those weird teenage days
How we sat on top of the mountain
near Sonia's place
and talked and watched a storm come over
I had forgotten but now I remember

Holy crap
and now I remember...
the next morning of the party
was my 18th birthday
Tash made me wake her up early
and we walked to the top of the morning
She couldn't remember why she had woken me
So we walked and walked for hours
Until I told her what is was she had forgotten
To "celebrate" my legality I bought her a packet of smokes
Even though I hated them

I spent my 18th birthday night in school dormitories
One week later I graduated from school
Schoolies, and then my 18th b'day party ensued
All fun, all crazy, all youth-ridden

In love

I am in love
with a boy.

He is so all that. :)

Accepting

We Are Accepting
by Michael Leunig

We loosen our grip,
We open our hand,
We are accepting.

In our empty hand
We feel the shape
Of simple eternity.

It nestles there;
We hold it gently,
We are accepting.

~

I am trying to. Letting it all flow. Breathing. Accepting.
Dreaming.
The world is so heady with colours and emotions for me at the moment.
I feel like patchwork squares
are being knitted together
Into the sweetest, crazy, colourful blanket of love
My past patching with the present
I am trying not to clutch too hard to this blanket
Just let it be as it is,
covering me with its love and energy at the moment

Feeling blessed, feeling grateful
Feeling sensitive and overwhelmed.

My soul's brother

Last night I had the most amazing conversation.
I haven't cried or laughed or felt so alive in a long time.
I talked again to my beautiful friend Dan.
He was my best friend when we were 15. I have no way of explaining our friendship, it fits into no normal archetype of friendship. He was, quite simply, my soul brother.

From the instant I met him I felt like I had known him forever.
He met me on so many planes ~ we connected intellectually, philosophically, in humour, loyalty, intensity and friendship. We came from different places and yet met together on the same field, both literally and metaphorically.

I loved him instantly. Knew that I would always love him, no matter what he or I did, or how many years passed between us. No matter what we grew into, or how our lives panned out, I knew I would love him.
When our friendship did disintegrate, I grieved so much over the loss.

I missed our long conversations on anything and everything; our phonecalls that we could never end without an extended time of goodbyeing and you hang up, no you hang up; missed having the sweetest teenage companion a girl could ever wish for; missed being loved no matter what; missed the long nights staying up half the night talking and falling asleep holding hands.

He was a part of my family ~ he would stay over for days on end, and my parents would let him stay in my room. He came with us to a disabled sports event and dinner, in memory of my brother. He laughed with me and my sister, and cried with us too.

He was/is funny ~ smart ~ sweet ~ brilliantly intelligent ~ silly ~ romantic ~ sensitive ~ juicy ~ sensible ~ always thought*ful and thought*provoking ~ endearing.

When our intense closeness stopped I grieved for years. I regretted doing the things I thought had pushed us apart. I didn’t understand why he still didn’t get how much I loved him. They were growing years… these past five years. Years of us finishing school and starting out in a big scary world and falling in love and moving in with our respective partners.

I didn’t think he still liked me. I thought he finally realised that I was annoying. I didn’t think he saw our friendship in the same way anymore.

But yes, I re*connected again with my beautiful soul brother again last night. I am welling up even as I write this, such is the extent to which this has deeply touched me.

I have just found something I wrote during our “breakup”... for all our intensity, closeness and love, losing the friendship was like a breakup...

Upon A Phonecall With A Friend
I think I have Lost.
(Momentarily - maybe - hopeful)

Danal


Hard leaving behind something you
once
knew,
once loved with a velocity
Harder not knowing if you are leaving them behind
or they are leaving you behind
or if you are both leaving each other.behind together.
Whatever it is, it hurts,
but must be.
I attempt.
Hard knowing that the bonds which linked you to your past have weakened,
have broken ?
Hard realising that you aren't the one they want to be next to, to laugh with, to talk to, to spend the languid days of holidays with anymore.
Hard finding that hours just laying in bed together talking are over
and may not happen again.
Could I take us back to those days?
when we were not divided by an invisible force, by age, by experience, by the path of life itself.
why do i ask myself these incessant questions
when
I know today is today
yesterday is what yesterday was.
and today and yesterday hold very different paths.
Hard knowing you are almost a stranger.
When once, we were best friends.
Does it hurt you?
I can still remember the day we sat beneath the tree and
read
Romeo and Juliet
Together.
Can still remember...
the way it used to be.
Can remember your childlike hair, beautiful and silky
Blonde.
folds falling upon a cupid face.
Your Today Hair
of short
cropped
is not as sweet as Yesteryears.
You've grown up.
where am I?
You seem nonchalent.
you didn't even hug me when my face my eyes my hands were sad.
why?
you didn't even ask me if I was ok.
Maybe I wasn't.
Daniel, I love you.
Growing up is so hard.
Leaving each other behind is hard.
Maybe one day you will let me call you Danal BB once more
and I will drop this guard of mine, this fascade of adult
and we will be the Year 10s again
and we will play in the sun
and throw dust in the air
Even for just one day.
Is that ok?
I'll let this be
until
We
Can Be.
Once growing slows
Once rate of change dwindles
Once I know
and you know
That it is all going to be Ok.


Wow. That’s all I can really say. The poem is sort of prophetic in a way. Maybe one day you will let me call you Danal BB once more… and I will drop this guard… and we will play in the sun… even just for one day.

Well, one day was last night. The sun opened and in its light we could open like two roses and connect with each other. I could tell him that I loved him and he could understand. We could rehash, and relearn and remember about it all. That we could bask in the light of clarity and see each other as we truly are. We could see the story as told by two voices ~ his and mine.

That we could connect again. That we could meet each other on the field once more. Yes, it may have all been online, but it was all real.

I feel as though I can finally be at peace with it all. I feel like I had lost a part of myself and now I have found it all again. I feel like my 21 year old self and my 17 year old self have found each other again and are embracing. I feel like the wounds of regret and loss can finally begin to mend instead of scar.

I am crying now. Because it is all so big. Big emotions, big connection. I feel like standing on the top of the roof and shouting: he still likes me! We’re still friends!

This is the relief of it all. I have not written like this in a long time. I have not felt like this for a long time. I feel whole again.

I didn’t want to say goodbye last night. It was like the old you hang up ~ no you hang up. I didn’t want to lose that connection again. I have looked for it for five years, grasping at tender strings, to no avail. And then it happens. Like some part of the universe opened up and we could talk again. Talk like how we used to. Be how we are. I am afraid of losing that again. I don’t want him to forget what we had, what we still have, and how much it’s still just me, silly blonde me, still crazy about him, still loving him. Just as he is.

I couldn’t sleep for hours after I went to bed. I tossed and turned, happy, churning ~ I had just re-met my childhood best friend. It was still there. He is so high on my list of importance. After my beautiful other half, and family, he is there.

I had strange dreams ~ that I was sliding down a long and winding slippery slide trying to find Dan; that I was running very late to catch a plane that he was on.
Me running so hard to catch up with past to connect with him again.

How did I get so lucky?
I am sad that we lost sight of each other for a little while. But I am ever so grateful that it ever was.

What if it never happens again? What if the connection lines are down, or busy, or criss crossed. I have to accept the possibility of that. And that is okay. Not easy to accept, but okay. I am intensely grateful that it ever was. I am over the moon with gratefulness that I had the second chance to be just me and him for those few hours. I am so thankful to the universe for drawing me and this boy together again.

I feel as though in some way, he completes the shape of me. I have my Chris, my soulmate and partner who loves me as I am right now. And I have my Dan, my soul brother who loved me as I was. And these are the two men in my life that I have chosen to be my non-blood relatives; strangers who were picked to be my heart family.

Some people don’t get to have one awesome, out of this world love in their lives at such a young age. I got so lucky to have two.

Today I celebrate love in all its forms.
Especially old, beautiful, friendships that meander down the path of life and find they are still together.

the week of ill*ness

I'm still not well... my fourth day home from work.
The boy hasn't had a great week and was home again today as well.

It's been such a skewed two weeks, murred by illness and upsets.
So out of the ordinary, out of routine...

Isn't it funny how out of sorts we can get when we are thrown from our usual methods of movement ~ off from our usual timetable?

I find things to be grateful about in our illness...
The opportunity to rest, listen to my body, walk softly and gently, live life at a slower pace ~ the body has its cycles of summer, autumn, winter also.

I need to keep these things front of mind.
This afternoon I was disgruntled by it.
The boy reminded me of the simple thing: that everything is fine, really.
And it is, isn't it?

Inspired

I have been inspired by so many in the last few days

Jen Gray

Lisa Marie's Romantic Circus Songs

Brandi's adsum

Brake for Zetty

Have also been inspired by dears not yet on*line...
Sonia, Deb to name a few

God how I like how these chicks speak and write
makes me want to open up and flower and write more and speak more eloquently of all that lives inside.

Word For the Day ~ living life's width

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived
just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.

- Diane Ackerman


Subscribe for wonderful words of the day

Word for the Day ~ Angels

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.

- G.K. Chesteron

Featured Artist of the Week ~ FlyingGirl

http://www.flyinggirl.com




Another SARK Marvellous Message Board*er who has inspired me with her amazing art...

FlyingGirl's work is so delicious and heartfelt; just brimming with warmth and love...



I couldn't chose which of her paintings I liked the most to showcase here... so here's three of them.

They are reminders of the silent places inside each of us, and the quiet love and contemplation which can be found in this world ~ in animals, books and stars...





Melissa's website is joy*full and is a pallet of lush images.
Thank u FlyingGirl for letting me show your wonderful work.
With each stroke you are painting a sweeter world.

Old and lovely friends

Caught up with my dear friend Dan today
He was my best friend during my teenage years
A totally beautiful, precious part of my life
It is magically lovely to reconnect
I am incredibly lucky
to have had a boy like him in my life
as a crazy 14 year old

~Beliefs... of my 17 yo self~

~



Searching through old emails today, found a conversation between me and my friend Matt when we were 17 and worldly and knew it all. His is the >remarks in italic, mine are the ones answering them. The world back then was much more black and white then, with less of those unexplainable grey areas.

> i believe in reincarnation
But I also believe in heaven.
I believe in young souls, old souls and lost souls.

> i believe in honesty
But know how hard it is to attain honesty from selfand others even when both are well meaning.

> i believe in alien life on other planets in other
> galaxies...
We are looking for intelligent life elsewhere becausewe haven't found it here

> i believe in like, i believe in love, but i don't
> believe that the two are the same.
I believe like is a bullshit word, its a thing thatprimary schoolers use to define their friendships. I believe that I love all my friends.
There are justdifferent types of love. I love you Matt, and I am not afraid to say it just because other people havestereotypes on what love is.

> i believe that some people should never change
> i believe that some people should change
I believe change is an endless circle, we all grow, we all change.

> i believe that i am judged by others for my faults
> i beleive that i judge others for their faults
> i believe that i am wrong sometimes
> i believe that i am right most times
I believe I am right in the times that I know that Ihave done what is asked of me by myself and by others, and I am right when I have done what should be done

> i believe in Jesus Christ, that he existed, but not
> that he was the son of GodI don't know what to think about god anymore.
I don't believe I can define jesus or god.
I don't thinkjesus and god are different people.
I don't thinkthat there is any difference between christianity's god or any other religion.
I believe that to find the true ultimate religion, the truth, every religion mustbe compiled together, all must come as one, and thenwe find what it really is we have been searching forall this time. spirituality.

> i don't believe in Christianity, but i do believe
> that
> Christianity has helped to straighten out society.
> at
> the same time, it has contributed to many of the> world's problems.
I believe We are pressured so much to find God that we end up resenting him and thinking of him as a thingfor Jesus freaks only - a complete detachment from ourlives. I believe God is something that is a part ofeverything we are, that there is spirituality underall this but we are too caught up to notice it.

> what do you believe in? cya.
I believe in The One... that one day I will find the man that is the missing piece in my heart.
I believe in the value of travelling
I believe that I have discarded the value of friendships over the last two years, and for longer because I have been too busy.
I believe in the importance of family.
I believe in many things.
I believe I need to go home for a year before I moveonto the next level.
and you?
Love Me

Blues Traveler

A brilliant old rockin band

Ben Harper meets Counting Crows meets Hootie and the Blowfish
and at times the guy sounds like Jack Black
with the laid back nature of Tracy Chapman

They have been around forever
I remember their guest appearance on Roseanne
and Dan jammed on his harmonica with them at the end

Such lovely, laid back, 90's memories

Affirmation for the day... ~revelations & growth~

* Trees at Tidbinbilla National Park. Grow grow growing. *

Trees are so smart
They grow every day!

At Tidbinbilla National Park, the area was devastated by massive bushfires a year ago. To see the regrowth today is such a wonderful reminder of how horrible events can slough away the dead bits and lay bare vulnerable bits just ready for new growth....


From "Transitions ~ Prayers and Declarations for a Changing Life"
by Julia Cameron
A wonderful book that inspires me each day

"... that is what learning is.
You suddenly understand
something you've understood all your life,
but in a new way."
- Doris Lessing

A change in perception can be just as radical as turning on the lights in a darkened room.
Suddenly we see what we could not see before.
Our eyes are opened.
Our necessary path becomes clear.
Such breakthroughs into clarity can be shocking, even painful.
What I now see is an uncomfortable truth.
I must change to accommodate my unsparing viion.
I must accept what I have long denied.
In times of such poignant awakening, I must be patient and gentle with my startled self.
Clarity is the bedrock of an honest life.
That foundation is what I am building.

~

Today I gently and resolutely face different truths.
I open my eyes to facing that which I hav found unfaceable.
Remembering that sight brings insight,
I invite the sunlight of the spirit to illuminate my life."

Past & present

I heard from my dear friend Sonia tonight
She has landed from Canada
It has been four years since I have seen her
and heard her brilliant lilting voice
and gorgeous chuckle
I can hardly believe it has been so long

It is lovely to have my scorpio twinlet on home turf again, albeit temporarily...
My days with Sonia feels like yesterday
but also feels like another lifetime
our shared past includes people i haven't even thought of since leaving
what a funny thing
the past and present merging

with my lovely friend Sonia.

Women's marvellous power

If an incestral treasure
lying buried in a corner
of the house
unknown to the members
of the family
were suddenly discovered,
what a celebration it would be.
Similarily,
women's marvellous power
is lying dormant.
If the women of Asia
wake up, they will
dazzle the world.

- Gandhi

~~ And if the women of the world woke up, we will dazzle the universe! ~~

Re~centre~ing one's understanding of turmoil & blessings

Breakthroughs, not breakdown.

I had a lovely night last night at dinner with my workmates
I had a wonderful conversation with Deb, my purple haired goddess friend
It is refreshing to speak to someone on the same spiritual and philosophical road
We spoke of how beautiful everything in life is
Not just the good stuff, but the "bad" stuff also
How rocky roads can be the most scenic
How breakdowns can be breakthroughs

~

It was a night to farewell
my marvellous manager
my beautiful boss
I feel quite emotional about losing her
but know that it is the best thing for her

I have felt so *lucky* to have had her presence in my life
it has been a blessing
to have such a wonderful workplace
to be nurtured and supported and cheered
allowed to blossom

Do you like Pina Coladas?

Last night as I was driving into town by myself
In the silence of a darkened car
A song filled the space

It was a familiar song... but one which I hadn't *listened* to before.
Last night I was in the space to hear it just as it was
I had chills all over
I had no idea what the story of the song was
so as I listened I was swept up into its waves
I felt sadness, anger, then the most beautiful hope for the couple in the song

It was the most heartfelt story
wrapped up in a Las Vegas meets Florida

It was like a perfect love story...
but filled with all the reality one needs
Yes, love can fall into a rutt
But mostly that is us forgetting ourselves
Forgetting the beauty of discovery
And passion
And wonder
Embracing our succulent bits...

~~~

Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

By Rupert Holmes

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

Quote of the Day

The longer I live, the more my mind dwells on the beauty and wonder of the world.

- John Burroughs

A new vision

Watching the sun set from the balcony

I got my new glasses today... free from the big blue frames which hid me.

I can finally see again!

I sat outside at twilight
staring at the sky
and the lights on the hill
and the stars
everything was so ~intricate~ and *detailed*

I watered the roses and the lawn
I love the smell of damp earth

Immensely beautiful day... what a treat to be so overwhelmingly grateful for vision!

Tree at sunset

Baby steps

We both took the day off today
The boy hasn't been feeling well
and I felt I had to be with him

We were gentle with ourselves
We walked slowly
and miandered as if there was all the time in the world

Lovely little baby steps

on the path to wellbeing

Growth

Why stay we on the earth
except to grow?

- Robert Browning

Featured Artist of the Week ~ Emelisa

http://home.iprimus.com.au/emelisa/

A gorgeous friend of mine... her work is so divinely intertwined with soul, spirit and honesty.
Emelisa is just as she is.
And that is a ~beautiful~ thing.
I have learnt so much from her words and her open heart!

Fell into this site

www.gaiantarot.com

"The Gaian Tarot celebrates the living Earth and those who seek to live in harmony with Her."

This is a tarot in the making... quite lush... but I most love her blog on it... especially the photo of the naked women standing in the sea. It made me want to be frolic free!

Kindness

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

- Philo of Alexandria

This was my favourite quote as a 17 year old.
I had forgotten it, but today it strikes a chord

Connections

My sisters and I...


From "Transitions: Prayers and Declarations for a Changing Life" by Julia Cameron

All that is necessary
to make this world a better place
to live is to love - to love as
Christ loved, as Buddha loved.
- Isadora Duncan

We do not interact at random. We are in each other's lives for spiritual reasons. We have "business" with one another. By consciously choosing to focus on why I have met someone, on how I can best serve and expand another I bring to each encounter a heighened awareness. As I sak to love and serve all, I bring forward my spiritual gifts and call forward the gifts of others. Grace fills every moment when we are truly present. Sometimes we transit each other's lives like benevolent planets.

A new day!

When I started counting my blessings,

my whole life turned around.

- Willie Nelson

Reflection

I have realised how I am spending too much time connected to the internet
and not connecting to myself.
And others.

I am now conscious of this.
I am peering through the looking glass to see another perspective of myself.
And I wasn't happy with the girl hunched over a glowing screen for too many hours, when there is so much else out there to live and experience.
I will change. I am changing.

Change is a beautiful thing!

Develop interest in life as you see it;
in people, things, literature, music -
the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures,
beautiful souls and interesting people.
Forget yourself.
- Henry Miller

I'm dreaming of a White Sunday

Today we went to the forest
With large patches of lovely ice and snow



We went with friends and their beautiful bub... always a good day out filled with food and laughter.

Kids have such marvellous ways of innocence and curiosity
and here is he peering into me



I want a jumpsuit just like him...



It was peaceful in the snow
Away from the squeals of joy*full children hurtling themselves down slopes on red bits of plastic.

We then went to a beautiful little cafe
overlooking the Murrumbidgee river
It was cool
but we were warmed by hot chocolate.

Long live laid-back, adventurous Sundays.

I love...

I love

love

love

him.