what do you know?

in honour of nanowrimo (yes, i know it's not until november - but the spirit of writing is here) i want to try and write something everyday. i'm not sure what about. just write, let it out there, let it be.

words swim around in my head this evening. wisdom.
transformation... decisions... letting it be... the inner child.
these words i do not write lightly. i write these with a greater understanding, a deeper comprehension of these words. a comprehension that will only deepen in time. i consider the pain i find in the hidden, small parts of me. parts that are so ready to leap to the surface. i wonder if i will heal all the pain, if i have the courage to face it, the tools to master it.

i am reminded of a post by andrea scher - "Not your fear, but what do you know?"

i know that in the fullness of time... it will heal. i will face it. i will learn those tools. slowly, slowly. step by gentle step. moment by moment.

i ponder at times the thought of being a spiritual slob - of being unconscious and oblivious with no internal work. but it's not an option.

this conscious journeying heightens the experience of pain, but it also deepens the joy and love. even as i quake at the thought, i choose it. i step into the unknown as fully as i can.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
~ Anais Nin

as i write this, the beautiful face of lizz wright sings. her turquoise earrings and open face inspires me.