The Art of Becoming Yourself

The truth is we all ache.
We all have growing pains
and wonder if we are
okay and enough and loved.

The thing is - we are.
Really.

Without the silver shoes
and leopard print sheets.
We are enough without
all the things we buy
to make us much more
than we are or need to be.

We are simple
and complex
and rare.
As is.

~ Sabrina Ward Harrison
Flick through her beautiful new book here

words

Me at the kitchen window. Looking in, looking out.


Stillness within one individual can affect society beyond measure.
- Bede Griffiths

~~~

To live lightheartedly but not recklessly;
to be gay without being boisterous;
to be courageous without being bold;
to show trust and cheerful resignationwithout fatalism
~ this is the art of living.

- Jean De La Fontaine

~~~

What Is the Purpose of Your Life?

The purpose of life is to know and experience complete joy. Each person uses different strategies to experience joy.

An artist feels joy painting all day.
A singer feels joy singing.
A dancer feels joy when dancing.

In these cases, painting, singing and dancing are strategies for experiencing and feeling joy. Be open and willing to learn and uncover what would bring joy to you, in all areas of your life.

Realize that every vibration you offer creates your future. Become more deliberate about what you are vibrating. Begin to make decisions based on how things make you feel. Soon you'll be paying more attention to just how many negative feelings you are willing to tolerate. This is true self-care.

Identify what makes you feel good and do more of it.


Collated from Daily Guru, Follow Your Dreams and Gratefulness

A new perspective

Farewell and death
are only different descriptions
for a new beginning and life

All that you are leaving behind
you will find again - in different shape and form.

Tibetan Wisdom

richness of life

Me at Tidbinbilla National Park. Earthly home.


"The whole universe is breathing as our breath; we limit the process by our assumption that we are doing the breathing."
- Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan "Alchemical Wisdom"


I can not begin to describe how irrevocably my life has changed and deepened this year.
I wonder if I even glimpsed what I would experience this year.
I do know this much ~ at Christmas last year, I sat on the balcony,
At sunset.
I sat in a camping chair, and wrote in my journal while the sun set. I wondered at the world.
I craved something more.

I felt like I couldn't feel the magic in that moment
And as I wrote it down,
the setting sun caught in a cobweb on the balcony
And a rainbow of light shone in my eyes
A magical moment indeed.

And that, in itself, is a metaphor for this year.

This year my life has deepened in immeasurable ways.
Magical ways have been revealed
right before my eyes.
I realise breathlessly that
I am becoming the person I wanted to be.

Yes, oh yes.

I have begun writing again.
I have this blog to express myself, and people read it. I feel like a published author already. To be able to share this journey is such an important thing for me. And for people to be touched by it? That is a dream come true!
I am exploring photography.
I bushwalk in wondrous nature parks.

Everyday I am inspired by words, others and the world.
I paint more.
I have a dog, a cheerful dog who loves me and sits on my feet.
I have more balance.

I am partners with the most beautiful man in the world. We are growing in love and my heart is filled with him. Together we are learning about healthy love. There is so much love between us, and we are learning to move in more loving, peaceful, trusting ways.
"A great ship asks deep waters" - George Herbert

I live as simply as I can.
I am progressing and deepening in self love.
I am more Buddhist, and am learning every day.
My mind is calming. I am taming my monkey mind.
I am opening like a flower.
I am blossoming like a wildflower.

And... Possibly the biggest thing which has filled my heart... Friendships. Some old, some new. Opening new worlds in me. I am amazed by the blessings I receive from friendships on a daily basis.

SARK and the wonderful human beans I have found on SARK's Marvellous Message Board.
How I am inspired, held and taught by those wonderful beings.
There are too many of these women to name all that have touched me and opened my eyes just by sharing their story or listening to mine.

Emelisa and Lisa Marie are two such wondrous women.
I feel like I've found a dear friend in both of them.
I am astounded how the hearts of two strangers can meet and have tea parties and mini adventures sleepovers and picnics of the spirit. Our hearts, all out there in the universe, doing wondrous things!

I also have received countless amounts of beautiful snail mail from women all over the world.
Making connections of love and friendship and woman wonder.

I also have had lovely friendships with commuters - the people I travel on a bus with every day. Paris, Ben, Rob, Fi, Di, Tracey ~ all making public transport a blessing in disguise.

My new job this year has brought me in touch with such beautiful people. My whole team is lovely, laid back and laughter filled. Rob and Barb are marvellous managers. Deb and Lile are absolute blessings, permanent lunch dates with these filled with girly giggles and open heart sharing with these two fairies. The connections we make as women can make the world revolve.

So the new worlds of friends have opened and extended me in enormous ways.

As do my old friends.
Zetty, Charlie, Daniel, Sonia, Jayne, jC.

jC not being technically my old friend, but Chris', and an immediate old friend of mine.

All these wonderful wonderful people that are connecting or re-connecting with me
Who make me remember myself
Who inspire me
Who love me
So so many blessings of friendships
My friendship garden of flowers is blossoming and blooming away
I love I love I love
Connections are such a magical thing!

So yes, so many amazing, beautiful, stupendous, wonderful things this year...
growing into myself ~ what a wonderful thing

My heart yearns for the sky and wants to be as expansive and all encompassing.

All these things I have dreamt of, wanted to be,
And I AM being.
There is more to come of this
So much more

But the journey is beautiful and picturesque and never lonely.

I give honour to this year ~ this year of growth and awakening.
Not always pretty ~ but always, always beautiful.

Filled with the riches of the deepest kind ~
Art, life, love, friendships, words.

today

Every man's work,whether it be literature or
music or pictures or architecture or anything else,
is always a portrait of himself.

- Samuel Butler


Even blogs.



For all that has been, thanks; to all that will be, yes.

- Dag Hammarskjold

Yes. Yes. Yes.


Lovely email from Helena today.

Talked to Emelisa ~ but a truck knocked over the powerline in front of her house and her power went out!


Spinning: Dawson's Creek Soundtrack... I love I love I love.
Faves are Chantel Krevaziuk's Feels Like Home and Sophie B Hawkin's Lose Your Way. Makes my heart sing and sigh all at once.

Reading: Suzanne's Diary to Nicholas by James Patterson.
Recommended by Emelisa... very easy to read, sort of cliched, but she assures me the love that is in it is so worthwhile.

Fave moment: Reading above book outside, perched on the outside windowsill, watching the sun set, and the stars come out, the lights brighten on the hills. Finally it is warm enough to wear shorts until dark!

Finishing today: On beanbag, watching Wildboyz, Chris and Charlie by my side, chatting to Dan on the laptop. Feeling loved by all these boys!

And now we are having a storm.

Goddess of down~to~earth warmth Helena/Charlie

The more alert we become to the blessing that flows into us through everything we touch, the more our own touch will bring blessing.
- David Steindl-Rast "A Listening Heart"

I met beautiful Helena
on my first day of boarding school
I was 16 and naive and new to the dorms and the town
My first day away from my family and the farm and my blue room

The long long blocks of building partitioned into small spaces of living
a chipboard unit of desk ~ wardrobe ~ bed all in one
twenty girls all in the one *space*
I was overwhelmed by it all
Wondering if I'd made the right decision
Wondering why I'd left behind all things comfortable and familiar and loving
To live in a land of boxes with strangers

I met a few of the girls, and I thought ...
nice enough, but not of my kindred

Then there was a knock on my partition
and there was Charlie.

Charlie. Helena. The one and the same.
The most comforting sight.
Beautiful wise eyes ~ filled with light and warmth and love
Gorgeous warm smile
The friendliest freckles
and the dearest open face
It was like seeing an old friend when I met Charlie.

When I met Charlie
all my fears faded
I found a new home away from home
in White Dorm, then Green Dorm

I knew Charlie only a year before she graduated
and we've stayed in contact this last five years
reconnecting in particular these past few months

She sends me such beautiful warm emails
encouraging me with this blogger
sharing her life and her love

I am just so so over the moon for her to have found
her own beautiful boy to spend her life with

So today I honour the
magical
down to earth
loving and entirely loveable
sincere
loyal
encouraging
thoughtful
endearing
warm
open hearted
presence in my life that is Charlie.

She is a precious stone of the finest kind.

Blossoming blossoming blossoming

I bring you flowers for your beautiful self

Beautiful sensual wide opened buds and petals in my garden this week
pinks ~ soft, vibrant, deep
pure succulence










the wonders of spring
and
the wonders of nature...

Goddess of expression ~ Lisa Marie

I met dearest Lisa Marie on the MMB some months ago
and discovered her beautiful blogger Romantic Circus Songs

Lisa Marie is a writer of the heart
a poet of emotion and inward journeys
she shares her story, no matter how hard it is
and touches my life indelibly
I feel like I have lived other lives just from reading her blog

We have so much in common ~
our shared love of
words,
journeys,
theatre,
and growth
our partners are both older and even look similar (!)
we both seek self expression with writing

Lisa Marie has the most spectacular smile,
and beautiful wise eyes...

I feel like I have found a kindred spirit in Lisa Marie...

I love the photo above of her...
she titles it "the most free I have ever felt"

Dearest Lisa Marie is a precious gem on this earth
I am so glad to have connected with her across continent
what wondrous friendships we have the potential to make
feeling closer to someone from around the world that I've never known
than my neighbours

She is currently working on her first book of poetry
What a wonderous thing!
My friend, the poet!

Such a dear wise love*able soul is Lisa Marie
So much to say, so much to share...

Today I honour the presence of the Goddess of Expression in my life
Lisa Marie.

Looking softly out the window

Charlie at the window, Sept 2004


We are all in the lounge
Chris playing the guitar and keyboard
me tapping a keyboard of another kind
Charlie looking out the window

We are all looking out a window of sorts
trying to see the world as it is

through our different pursuits ~
chris and music;
me and words;
charlie and window watching;
we are all trying to see the world as it is
and play our part in it the best we can

hearing silent love

Wildflowers, Tidbinbilla Sept 2004


Big talk this morning.

I cry big ugly tears and sob into the doona.

He holds me, takes my hand,
to the bathroom to wash my face,
rub my back

In the hallway we stand
him holding me for ever so long

and through my pain I want him to speak speak speak
he doesn't though, just holds me

and then I listened
I felt his heart pouring all the love into my body
him holding me like I was the most precious piece on earth
him loving me softly, strongly, passionately, gently, vibrantly
so much so my hands feel light

without words
I heard his heart
without words
mine began to mend

Then we went out to the sun filled living room
and lay on the floor with our love baby, our fur angel
in a circle of dear love

mending ~ loving ~ resting ~ growing
like wildflowers
together.

God # 3 ~ Rebble

I can not enunciate the profound effect Rebble had on my life.

He was my first "horse" after riding a lovely pony called Dawn for a couple of years.

Rebble was my first love ~ he was a best friend, a boyfriend, a companion, a work colleague, and my spirit brother. All contained within the most beautiful chestnut gelding.

He is old now, and out to pasture...
I will not ride him again...
but when I think of him my heart swells and my eyes well

so many secrets are held within his ears
so many fears and loves and dreams i told him
as we dawdled along paddocks, i would open my heart to him
and he would listen, just listen,
in that zen, comforting way only he knew how
he took care of me in danger
even when there was snakes and attacking dogs
he would not throw me off
he held me safe on his wide back

My Rebble...
has the most beautiful coloured fur ~ it glistens like golden umber fire in the sun
his mane is the colour of pumpkin scones ~ light gold... so many endless hours with my fingers interthreaded within it

he is goofy, with a wonderful sense of humour
he is patient and gentle, and holds children on him with such care
he snores when you pat him for long enough
he loves to cut cattle
his brand has a love heart in it
he had the most wonderful canter ~ like riding on clouds
so many hours of mustering cattle and discovering creeks with him

I honour the blessing of Rebble in my life.
My first love and my dearest old friend.

Gods & Goddesses ~ My Family

My amazing beautiful family

Left to right ~
my Mum, my elder brother Brett (Boofy), my lil sis Maryanne (Mooky), me, my elder sis Rebekah (Bex), and my Daddy.

I love them all so very very much and honour the wondrous effects these bonds have on my life.

I also honour my eldest brother Clinton who passed away in an accident when I was 14.

My mum is creative, divine and laughter filled.
She is also flighty and monkey-minded.

Brett is my childhood hero. He is the most wonderful big brother.
He also focusses too much on money. He knows this and works on it.

Maryanne is filled with energy and love and passion.
She also can be overwhelmed with emotion.

I am fiercely loyal and protective but am also prickly.

Rebekah is loyal, loving, and like my twin. She is a peacemaker between me and Maryanne.
She sometimes puts peacemaking in front of her own emotions and health.

And my Daddy. He is fierce and loving and a bushman. He finds it difficult to express emotion but never skipped on the three most important words ~ I love you.

Seven of us, so vastly different but intertwined in love and blood.
How blessed I am to have such gods and goddesses in my life.

Goddess No 1 ~ lil Leonie

Me.

Celebrating me for being me.

Thanking the little girl inside me.

Thanking my parents for nurturing her and loving her with all they could.

And for me, for taking care of her as much as I can.

Go me!

Me for being
silly but courageous
loyal and intense
passionate
artistic and thoughtful

and me for growing into
exactly what I wanted to be

Sometimes in the shower I crouch down
and me and lil Leonie have a little yack
about how we think I'm turning out
she's a determined lil one
such a dreamer
we have so much in common

Shared memories of reading until midnight ~ getting lost in books
long hot summers spent drawing and creating and seeking refuge from the heat
on a horse's back
and by a dog's side
by rivers
and in fields
We are little bush girls
tomboys but romantics

Tonight I honour the sacred little girl inside of me.

Yay for Goddess #1 ~ Lil Leonie.

The Gods & Goddess Awards

I was so inspired by Lisa Marie's latest Goddess awards
that I wanted to do my own...
recognition of others is so important and affirming

I have so many beautiful Gods and Goddesses in my life ~
I am incredibly blessed in this respect
They open my heart and make me remember just why I live and breathe
They share lessons with me and inspire me
with courageous heart movements

I shall unveil them as I can...
I struggle not to overwhelm you with twenty posts in the one night
of all the awardees ;)

One by one... maybe!

In the meantime ~ thank you thank you thank you
dear ones who read this post
and touch my heart
you are all so special in so many ways.

Dawson's creek of love

A beautiful splendourifis friend of mine
wrote recently in her blogger about Dawson's Creek.
It made me smile so very much...
It reminded me of something that had lapsed into unconsciousness...

I was addicted to Dawson's Creek.
So much so I could not watch it.
That sounds nuts I know...
but I am so so caught up in the will~they/won't~they of Joey & Dawson
that I am overwhelmed by it
and overwhelmed by Dawson's gorgeousness.
So overwhelmed that I cannot watch.
Only live vicariously through the TV ads and osmosis.

A few years ago, when I was a wee one of 17,
I was watching the show with my best friend
and was giggling and sniffelling and drooling away
she said to me ~ god you are really do love this Dawson fella don't ya?
I replied ~ yup, I'm going to marry a Dawson one day.

One year later I met a certain someone called Chris at work.
I loved him instantly ~ his blue eyes and his aura.
I was inexplicably drawn to him.
I would blush wildly when he walked past
and kept telling myself ~ he wouldn't be interested.
Everytime I told myself to let go of my crush on him,
I would find out something about him.
That his real name was Christian.
That he was a Scorpio too.
And later... that his last name was Dawson.
I couldn't really fight against that could I?

I asked him on a date shortly after.
One month later he moved in.
Three and a half years on, we are still together.

So here I am.
With my life partner, Mr Dawson.

life imitating art?
love works in funny, magical ways...

and I am so very very blessed.
to meet the man who challenges me
and matches me on so many levels
I was so madly drawn to him from the beginning
and even now his earthy ethereal light still draws me...

we are but two children
on tractor tire tubes
holding hands, flicking water,
trailing fingers in the current, legs intertwined
floating down
Dawson's Creek of Love

Less travelled

The Road not Taken
- Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

To be loved

The Divine Beloved longs to play joyously and rest peacefully within the heart of the consecrated lover.

- Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
Great Swan by Lex Hixon

The Impish One

For all that has been, thanks; to all that will be, yes.
- Dag Hammarskjold

Had the most lovely time on the bus home today with dear Paris.
What a lovely delight he is to be friends with.
An absolute blessing.
He is impish, but wise.
As playful as a puppy dog,
as knowing as an orangutan.
He is so many things all at once ~
a teacher, a friend, a companion, a listener, a story teller
all in the span of the 45 minutes commute
This afternoon I got off the bus a couple of stops early to walk home
we walked across a gully,
and he plunged his face into a wattle tree just to smell it.
What a wonderful wide world it is
when we can make these friends from strangers
and they can open new universes of laughter, tears and sharing.

Joy and the Time of our Lives.

Leaves at Tidbinbilla National Park, Sept 2004.


Joy does not simply happen to us.
We have to choose joy and
keep choosing it every day.

- Henri Nouwen


A very dear thank you to Paris today.
On the bus today I was sitting there, feeling quite miserable
I felt a tap on my leg and without a word he passed me his iPod
on it was "Time of your Life" by Green Day.
It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Never before did that song make as much sense as it did in that moment.

What a ride!

"Life should NOT be a civilised journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well maintained body.
Better to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOOO HOO - What a Ride!"

~ Source unknown, passed on by the beautiful Helena.

~ This quote honours the delightful Deb who is off to Hawaii on a wonderful adventure!

Happiness.

Truth be told, Leonie,
it takes so very, very little, to be happy.
But you knew that.
Whew -
The Universe

Just look at a dog, a bird, a solitary oak.

Artist of the Week ~ Julie Dowling

I read about Julie in a newspaper article about a year ago and was intrigued by her

Then, last week, when I took Adam to the National Art Gallery,
I came face to face with one of her works
It was amazing
so spirit filled

they are
joyful yet melancholy
white yet black



Another article here ~

"Julie Dowling is currently Australia's "most collectable" artist, according to the Art Market.
And yet she and her identical twin sister are the ultimate misfits.
Aboriginal but white skinned, inseparable through a shared life of rejection and abuse, identically overweight, they are the product of generations of damaged, abused and displaced women, going back to early colonial days.

As they grew up they had almost no place in this modern society … twin white waifs to a single mother, rejected at birth by their father, entirely dependant on welfare.
But because of Julie's talent, and crucially because of the strength and support twins give each other, she is the first in the family to be revealing the long history of hopelessness and struggle, through her portraits.

Telling the story, at last, is why Julie paints. It is why she paints in her own way … beautiful, strong, sorrowful portraits, mostly of women, that tell of imprisonment, domination, despair but ultimately of survival."

Hurrah for Julie and her telling of her story.

Miraculous Bounty

"There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope."
Bern Williams

Todays' Affirmation
I take my time to open my eyes to the miraculous bounty in my life.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
- Marcel Proust

~~~~ This one applies to so many beautiful people in my life at the moment.
Chris, Charlie, Helena, Zetty, Deb, Emelisa, Sally, Lile, Jayne, Lisa Marie, Becky, Brett, Mooky, and SARK.

Weekend musings

I have realised Charlie is my angel.

Dog is only God spelt backwards.

~

I got a beautiful email from my favourite~ist author SARK
telling me how she'd read a post I'd done on her website
and she'd followed the link to here...
and how much she loved this blog!

my goshness, I am over the moon!

SARK is such a vibrant shiny glittery effervescent sparkle of light...

~

Beautiful weather. It is finally Spring.
We mucked about the backyard.

~

Oooh! Oooh!
My herbs are AT LAST starting to sprout...
am so so excited!

~

Delightful weekends.

and

Delightful angels in fur coats.

Introducing... Charlie

Our beautiful boy finally has a name...

Charlie...

Charles Benjamin the First...

Still such a fluffy bundle of joy



when i see him with my boy playing together i know
things are just exactly how they are supposed to be



how can it get any better than this?

Dreamers we are

Canberra waterfall, Sept 04


We are the music makers,
We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams-

World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers
Of the world forever, it seems.

- Arthur O'Shaunghessy

Yankee doodle came to town...

The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what
sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams,
illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that. Unknown is what
it is. Accept that it's unknown, and it's plain sailing.
-John Lennon



So....
my American friend Adam left a couple of days ago.
Sad to see him go.
Luckily we got our dog the same day,
so it in some way made up for the void...
you know ~the void~

it's that emptiness in the house when a guest leaves
and the ending of a reprieve of
the holiday of having an outsider in your home
seeing your own town through a visitor's perspective
every meal a preparation and a joy that must be celebrated with wine
of joining in on their festive holiday spirit
eating too much, drinking too much,
laughing too much, talking too much
all the too*much~isms of having a visitor.
when they leave it's like you've just finished a holiday in your own home.

Not only do you miss the holiday, you miss them too.

Even if you've only known them for five days.
I miss his funny yankeeisms:
the way his right hand wasn't the same if it didn't have a can of "soda" in it
his blatant honesty about everything, including bowel movements
how aware he was about personal space and touching
him correcting my english with the "proper" american way of speaking

I also miss his unique humanness:
his openness to ideas
his intelligence
his sense of humour
the way he really *looked* at you when he spoke to you, with such clear blue eyes
his laid~back, just "chillin" nature
his ultra~politeness
him camped out infront of quality australian tv shows with a beanbag and a doona
his love of all the ugly dogs at the pound, even the diseased puppies *hee hee*
him finding it amusing that I'd booked him a hotel in the gay mecca street of Sydney *oops*
how comfortable it was to be in his presence
so many nice nice things, such an endearing boy

i learnt so much about the american culture too,
all of it highly interesting, not all so good though ~
about the guns, the crazyness, the serial killer obsessions, the negativity,
the hesitancy to connect with others with words, with touch, with interaction
the fear of strangers, the inability to stop the fast food habit
to see beyond the universe that is America.
Not that these were all reflected in my friend,
but he opened the window for us to see inside his nation.
He was able to see these things objectively,
even when he saw himself involved also.

It was a pleasure to finally meet you Adam.
It was so so good in so many ways.
We will meet again.

What a pleasure and a treasure to have these friends.

Releasing Anger

Sculpture outside Canberra Gallery, Sept 04.


A healthier way of emotion...

A beautiful friend of mine asked me if I had put anger on a friend.
She was right. (Thank you Em)
And whilst I am still upset by the situation, I am not holding on to or embracing that upset.
I am not fostering that upset into resentment, fear or anger.
There is a healthier way to this...

I am backing away with tiny incremental steps from anger and letting things be
Because all this judgement making and fear creating isn't healthy for me.
I'm just going to be me, what I am, open hearted
Because when I am open hearted it is for me, not for anyone else.
When I choose to love everyone regardless of their actions, my world is a happier place.
I am choosing not to have negative thoughts about this...
It is not easy, but that is what I am choosing.
Acceptance without judgement is what I am striving to have.
If I am negative, and angry and fear filled about this situation, I am not curing anything.

you see, when em said that i was putting my anger on to this person, i thought - too right i am, and that's because she has done this and this and this
but i took what she had said and digested it
thought it through
when i am angry with anyone my world feels out of kilter.

when i came in this morning to work, i had a whole lot of emails in my inbox from the Daily Guru and Word of The Days and TUT's etc... and so many of them said when I project negative thoughts out into this world, that is what I will receive back....
stuff like this....

"What you send out always comes back tenfold. The world will reflect to you a mirror image of your predominant thoughts and emotions.
Emotions of love will always reflect a safe and prosperous world, whilst emotions of anger and fear will reflect back a world of hate, malice and lack."

and...

"You are the channel by which all emotion must pass first before it goes out into the world. Do you want to experience more love? Then you must first give love. You are the center from which all emotion emanates.
Do not blame others for making you angry. You must remember that anger arises from within you first. When you squeeze an orange, you can only get orange juice.
It is the same with us. When we are emotionally squeezed, we give out what is stored within. Your response to a hostile person could be love just as easily as being hostile in return.
It is said that when Jesus was on the cross, the soldiers pierced his side with a sword and water poured out from the wound. Water is the symbol of peace. Do you get the message?"
- The Daily Guru

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace.
- Diane Ackerman


Would it comfort you to know, Leonie, that there is always a solution, there are always "happy grounds", and that everything is going to turn out in your favor?
- Tallyho,
The Universe

"When we are full of joy and gratitude, we tend to send out higher waves of positive energy, which magnetize back to us high frequency experiences like great opportunities, positive-minded people, healthy bodies, etc.
Also, when we send out the energy of doubt, frustration and fear, we tend to attract challenging experiences that aren't desirable.
There always is another choice. It is up to you."
- The Daily Guru

This last line sorta stuck with me in a way... "There is always another choice. It is up to you." Funny considering my signature line on the MMB is "Joy is an option"

Damn straight it is. So is acceptance, love, and self love.
So slowly, surely I am choosing the right way.
Not the EASY way... but the right way.
for me.

Introducing....

Introducing the latest addition to the Dawson-Allan family...

he doesn't have a name as yet...

but he is beautiful and bouncy and oh so happy...



Chris picked him up today and spent the day with our little man...

Tonight we played and now is asleep by my beanbag.

My heart s~w~e~l~l~s

:)

He has the most magnificent mane...

reminds me of...
a lion
sunset
the desert
a fox
my own mane of hair

Marvellous Monday at Montezuma's

Had a groovy day today
me and Yankee boy Adam went into the city
and met some friends for lunch at ze mexican place
Left to right is:
Nate, a very sweet Virgo boy from work
Ben, a totally groovy cartoon artist, animator, feature artist of the week and all round noice dude!
Moi!
My gorgeous friend Deb, a beautiful dudette from work and soul sister
and...
ze yankee boy Adam who's been such a brilliant guest.

Adam is with us for one more day before he heads back to his Yankee base in Japan...
it feels like too short a time
we've been penpals since we were thirteen, and kept in contact this whole time.
since he got off the plane
it's been a joy

i'll definitely miss him, in a funny way.
we've only known each other for four days but it's been all comfortable together and really good and surreal and interesting and an experience.

Update

In the space of a weekend, we have obtained an American and a dog.

On Saturday, my American penfriend Adam arrived. We have been penfriends for eight years. We picked him up from the airport and since then have been "chillin" and laughing at each other's accents. It's been good fun and we are enjoying ourselves immensely! I am taking Monday and Tuesday off as well to play tourist guide.

We are getting a dog! Yayayayayayayayay. The boy finally said that four word question every girl wants to hear ~ "Did you want a dog?" Okay, five questions.
I of course accepted...
Yesterday we went looking for dogs at the pound and RSPCA...
It was like looking at kids for adoption ~ they were all so ready to be loved and scrabbled at the doors of the cages...
We finally put a deposit on a beautiful little Cairn terrier with stubby legs and fluffy shaggy golden hair... we will pick him up on Wednesday if he is not claimed before then...

ahhhhhhh
sweet weekend.

love and laughter
leonie

My first seedling!

SYNCHRONICIOUS GROWINGS

Holy crapazooli! The synchronicity!

This morning as I was watering softly my marigold seeds that I planted on the weekend, the boy pointed out my first seedling!!!!!! eeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!! hurrrrrahhhh!!!!!!!! I am soooo excited and proud! My FIRST seedling!

It was so very small and very very beautiful. I sat my chair by the windowsill and ate my toast so I could look at it. what an immense blessing! my first seedling!

then... when i get into work this morning, there are two of my inspirational daily emails sitting there...

"May those whose hell it is to hate and hurt be turned into lovers bringing flowers."
- Shantideva, 8th century Buddhist teacher

and...

"Leonie, no one has ever grown a garden (dramatic pause)... that you couldn't grow yourself.
And I'm not just talking about the leafy kinds.
Let's till, The Universe"

Woahhhh! way too synchronic~es for words! hurrah! beautiful! amazing! miracle!

tee hee hee

Leonie is a Gardening Discoverer.

Today. Joy. Lack.

Joy does not simply happen to us.
We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.

- Henri Nouwen


aaahhhhh
where did the years go sweet penelope?


so good to talk to emelisa today!

Distracted by passions

Lately I have been so distracted by the beauty of everything else that
it is difficult for me to pin myself to the books and study ~ all the gardening,
the blogging, the art, the writing, the boy, the reading, the re*discovering of
buddhism, the cooking, the MMBing, the connecting with beautiful people
~ these are the things which I am passionate about at the moment,
these are the things which bring me peace and clarity and
understanding and lessons and growth!

Oneness

The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are there.

- Yasutani Roshi


Subscribe at www.followyourdreams.com

YAY! I'm Goddess # 3!

I've made friends with the most amazing soul over the past little while ~ Lisa Marie.
Her words, bloggers and posts are always so articulate and I love her honesty, warmth and sweetness...

This morning I got the most brilliant email from her...

she has awarded me the Goddess # 3 award on her Romantic Circus Songs blogger!
Go here to see!

Hurrah hurrah hurrah!
What a beautiful thing to go to work to see...
what an affirmation!
Thank you Lisa Marie you sweet potato pie blossom!
~I am so glad we have connected~

love and laughter
leonie.

Manifestation and chain reactions

Everything you can imagine is real.
- Pablo Picasso


The world is a looking glass, and it gives back to every man the reflection of his own fate.
- William Makepeace Thackery


Which brings me on to the point of manifestation.
I have had a lot of these manifestation themes coming to me the last few days.
Me and the boy talked about reflection, and reaction ~ how the way you behave to something creates a chain reaction of behaviour and thought.
It's true you know.
We are what we think we are.
So when we start seeing ourselves just as we truelly wish for,
*wa-lah* there we are!

As magical and love*able as we could ever wish for!

Words which inspire

I think over again my small adventures, my fears, those small ones that seemed so big, for all those vital things I had to get and to reach, and yet there is only one great thing: to live and see the great day that dawns, and the light that fills the world.
- Old Innuit Song

Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it's a small price to pay for living a dream.
- Peter Mc Williams

Even if you have a lot of work to do, if you think of it as wonderful, and if you feel it as wonderful, it will transform into the energy of joy and fire, instead of becoming a burden.
- Tulku Thondup Rinpoche
"The Practice of Dzogchen"

How can you expect anything in the world to make you happy if in your inner world you are unhappy?

If you find yourself constantly saying, that in order to be happy, you must have this thing or you must have that thing, then make no mistake, you will be unhappy shortly after you get it. Your aching will reappear.

Outer happiness starts from the inside. You will find that whatever you have, be it ever so little, you will be completely content.

Spiritual happiness does not come in the form of acquiring something, but in fact comes in the form of shedding something, namely your karmic baggage.


From the Daily Guru and Gratefulness.org

Discoveries

Spent this afternoon in the garden again
What an amazing experience

I haven't gardened since I was a kid
helping out my mum

We've been here for a year
and I finally have the gardening bug

After planting my first herb garden yesterday
I woke up this morning thinking about gardening
it feels like the wilderness of my mind is unfurling and growing
I couldn't wait to get out among it again



I started off in the side garden
pruning back an unruly bush
as the leaves crushed it a scent was released
I ran up to the house to get my gardening book
and discovered it was a ROSEMARY bush!
Wow! I'm so proud!



I'm a proud herb discoverer!
I am over the moon about it...
Shall have to make a roast next weekend and use some of it in my cooking!



Then I played with my roses and
made the most amazing discovery
I cut open the old bulbs of roses
and it revealed the most vibrant orange
encasing seeds



Me... a burgeoning gardener...
enjoying the beauty, wilderness and lessons
found in gardens...

Spring!

It is the first weekend of *spring*

In celebration, I
Spent my afternoon planting herb seeds
~ chives, coriander, parsley ~
and purple window sill boxes of marigolds

My first herbs!

How beautiful to get my hands dirty
It's been a long long time since I used the thumb which is green

I then pottered about the garden
pruning the roses
and I happened across my first bloom for spring

a tiny daffodil ~ see picture above

as I was photographing the little beauty
there was a scamper across the mulch
and I was accosted by a beautiful smelly happy golden dog...



he cheerfully threw himself upon me
he was wet and dirty
and all things doggy
it was lovely!
i've missed doggy loving
~ chris says we can get one soon, maybe for xmas

so me and boz (that is what i temporarily named him)
pottered about
i doorknocked a couple of houses on the street
trying to find his owner
i eventually put him down and let him continue on his adventure
if i see him again i'll do something

the first weekend of spring
is turning out quite lovely

filled with watching plants grow ~ grow ~ spurting ~ new
and a new doggy friend

it can't get much better than that!


love love love
l

Releasing

Tonight I lay in the darkness
on my bed
I had a headache
Thoughts running through my mind
I would begin feeling anxious with each nervous thought
~ that I was not performing at work as well as I could
~ that I hadn't studied enough
~ that I was behind on things
With each thought, I would feel my heart begin to race
and my headache would strengthen
and my eyebrows would pinch together

I became conscious of my thoughts and how my body was reacting
So, with each wafting anxious thought, I let it ~go~
as simple as that
I felt the fear and the worry
then let it go
It wafted away in the air

It felt so much better ~out there~
They no longer owned me
My thoughts were no longer my master

I felt so relieved when I let my worries go
The universe just accepted them and swallowed them up into its energy
And they became insignificant

Try it sometime.

Stillness ~ Aliveness

You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.

- Indira Gandhi

My two handfuls of gratitude

My friend Paris tells me that you shouldn't whinge if you can count your blessings on two hands.

Two Handfuls of Gratitude

1. My boy. My boy. My boy.
Everyday. He amazes me.
2. My wonderful workplace
3. My health.
Without this, everything else would be dimmer.
4. My laptop.
Allowing me to communicate in new ways.
5. The Marvellous Message Board
Even when it's full moon and it goes a bit haywire it is still filled with love.
6. The girly lunch date with Deb and Lile today
Filled with girly giggles and glittery things and yummy desserts instead of lunch.
7. My new big king size bed.
A wonderful nights sleep
8. My beanbag.
Always comfortable.
9. My friends.
Old and new. All opening new worlds in me.
10. This journey.
And this home which is my shell.


My thanks to Deb also for making me think about gratefulness more
And Raficki/Em who just ~is~

Ego vs Oneness

"The egos main goal is to keep you in a state of separation. It doesn’t care how it achieves this goal, as long as it achieves it.
Without separation the ego cannot exist.
The ego is simply the idea that you are a separate self that exists apart from the Universe.
You may be rich, you may be poor or you may be sick or even healthy. The ego doesn’t care. It uses everything it can to make you see differences between you and others.

Have you ever noticed how some people never stop complaining about how much of a tragedy their life is, or how much life is mistreating them? That is the ego at work. It is saying that I am a victim and I am being mistreated by the victimizers of the world.
Once you stop listening to the egos lies and start to see Oneness all around you, all the opposites that exist in this world will no longer be part of your reality. You will only experience the constant Love, Peace and Abundance of God, which has no opposite."

From the Daily Guru
~~~

This is an interesting thought you know.
I was sitting on the bus the other afternoon on the way home and the sun was GOLDEN and streaming over the fields and over the mountains and over the trees
Everything was bedazzled in the most vibrant yellow.

I thought to myself:
I am a part of this. I am a part of this. I am a part of the mountains.

And I heard something scared inside of me say: But then I won't be ME.
If I was a part of the mountain I would lose my identity. I wouldn't be Leonie. I LIKE being me. I want to be ME always.
In THIS FORM.

I thought about this for a while.

Why was I afraid of being something that wasn't me?
What was so scary about the thought of being a part of a mountain, part of the earth.
Perhaps it has something to do with me wanting to be more than that.
Even if there IS nothing more than that.
Existence is existence, no matter which shape it takes.
Why do I cling to existence?
It is all I know.

This is all very thought provoking.

All because I thought: I am a part of this
And I am.
No matter how much my ego wants me to be different from everything else.

hee hee hee
how funny this all is!