the way

it's only just begun, but already it is a part of me.

yes, it is the artist's way.

i've been writing morning pages for a week now.

and it's become not just a practice now, but a much needed process.

this morning, after pulling my back out at the gym yesterday, i lay propped up in bed with a zillion pillows, thankful i had enough flexibility to write. i.can.survive.as.long.as.i.get.my.morning.pages.

i didn't get what they were about at first, i just trusted that julia was right and that there was something magic about them.

and she is right.

i write three pages every morning and i write all the crappiest lowest thoughts in my brain out. when i first started, i was writing thoughts and feelings that had plagued me for months ~ inadequacies, jealousy and fear that would stalk and ambush me in quiet moments.

so i started capturing them on the page. asking my friend The Page to hold them and take care of them.

and everytime they came up, i'd write them down again.

and they got really boring, and even better ~ they got really clear.

once i allowed the vent out, expelled it out into the air, it was like letting the fire burn to ashes. all that remained was a vacuum, and the truth. the longings and the needs that were sitting under the pain started ascending to the surface, so i wrote those too.

it feels cathartic and shaky and like an earthquake is tremouring through me.

when i feel this uncomfortable nature in me, there is a spark that wants to run and hide to where it's safe and without the tremours, but i smile and tell myself:

this is good. we are breaking the ice so the river can flow again. this is how it is supposed to feel. so i stuck it out.

and now the low thoughts are out, there is space, a beautiful space of quiet emptiness, and a clear answer of what i want.

so guess what the universe does?

it hears me.
and it sees i have space in my life now.

and i begin to get exactly what i ask for.

a small, crystal clear creek joins my tributary and brings me great gifts of serendipity, synchronicity, connections and clarity.

an example? i wrote a woman's name in my morning pages ~ Liz. I wrote about her talking about morning pages and how i resonated with her sharings. half hour later we serendipitously have our first conversation. it lasts for hours, and i have one of those kindling thoughts that it may just be all part of the unfolding of our purposes and destinies.

this is the big stuff, the good stuff.

and it has only just begun.

off to bed again, to curl up with twyla tharp and maybe write some creative affirmations.

i feel like i've just found where the ropes to my own sails are, and this boat is gusting along with thoughts of purpose and joy.

love,
leonie.
the brilliant, successful, prolific and spirit filled artist, writer and photographer.