the turn of the year

the view out our plane window. gorgeous, hey?

i am back at last from holidays.
in truth, i've been back for three days now, and felt as quiet as a mouse.
where usually i am a hive of activity, it has been three days of sitting on the couch, in the air conditioning, cuddling with chris, making up for lost time with charlie, reading, writing my christmas cards belatedly, and watching deliciously ordinary movies. Think Bad Elf, Ella Enchanted, Tin Cup. For the first time in the eighteen months since we've had it, i've really enjoyed cable tv. Watch movie, snooze on couch, potter, return to couch, and eat an icypole. Read some more of my book or watch some tv.

it feels odd to me. to feel so quiet. i am enjoying this little incubation, and the enjoyment is fortunate - as i don't feel i have a choice in the matter. right now, my body and mind says:

it's time to take it easy.
time for a holiday from holidaying.

so my email inbox grows larger, and as much as i intend, i can't reply to them right now.
and my studio isn't being used as per usual.

i guess it's all about trust. trusting that energetic leonie will return in her own sweet time.

it makes sense when i think about it... the last month, no, make that two, have been big ones. i was switched on, moving forward, jumping, leaping, creatively dreaming and experiencing. they were months of birthdays and parties and art markets and the festive season. i was running on the adrenaline of joy. the new year has forced me to plop my ass on the nearest soft couch, and just be. take time off from being leonie. yes, i like that. take time off from being leonie.

i'm glad i got that out. i'm glad i have the words to name my experience now.

and dang, i am glad, after almost a year and a half of writing to you,
here i am, still doing it.
it's almost like a letter to myself.
it is an unravelling and an understanding and a sharing of moments. moments that are a panoply of experience ~ joy, enlightenment, sadness, just be~ness.

right now i feel an undefinable blob rising within me. i know it is coming, but right now, i do not know its face or how it will change my life. i only know that it will.

as everything does.
the view out my plane window.
a period of couch time out.
a photo of my friend deb and i, hands cupped over our mouths as we roar with laughter.
writing these words, knowing they go out around the globe, and yet still they remain inside me.

deepest of blessings on your journeys, dearhearts.

may you change and grow just as you need to, at this, the turn of the year.

love,
Leonie