something else...

do you ever have that?
when something makes you feel like something else?

we were in the park at lunch today,
and my love tells me he's thinking he might want a playstation...

and i burst into tears.

i sobbed and sobbed about missing the earth, not feeling balanced, feeling like i'd lived hundreds of lifetimes sleeping on the earth then waking up to find i'm in civilisation and working in a concrete tower, and crying with grief of how much i missed uluru and the desert. how i missed who i was out there. how i missed walking on this earth in conscious knowing i am walking my journey, both with my legs and my spirit. it wasn't about the playstation. it was about this well of water that burst within me, calling to the heavens and falling to the earth.

he softly brushed my hair with his palm, and reminded me that my words are powerful
"when you say you feel disconnected from the earth, be careful. you might end up on mars."

and i realised, with his words, the energy that was soaking through my legs as we walked along on the path.
that my feelings of disconnection were only an illusion of sorts.
the earth was still there, waiting for me to love her.
and i was still here, waiting for me to forgive myself.

there are things changing and swilling in me,
and i am deeply, deeply grateful for them
i know this change is necessary,
and yet i feel like a snake shedding its skin. it mustn't always feel pleasant to do that.
skin too tight, claustrophobia, aching to be new, raw in the new world.

it is true.
and it is divine.
and it is exactly where i am at.

blessed be.
*spoken with a small smile*

love,
leonie