the truth of it.

"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to except life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
~ Henry Miller

been going through some stuck moments lately. coming against a wall of my own fear. frustrations and self criticisms surfaced.
but i was honest about it. in my womens circle i said: i'm stuck. i don't know how to do this. i don't know how to face athena, goddess of courage.

i think being honest about being stuck helped me to become unstuck.
the goddesses around me said: you don't need to learn it in two weeks leonie.
gentleness, gentleness.

the ironic thing of it all...
is that the thing i was stuck on, the thing i was most afraid of,
was speaking my own truth.

and yet... i was starkly honest about it.

and therein lies a secret i've only just discovered ~ that athena is working in me all along. i'm being honest, even in the stuck, sticky and hard bits.

:)

PS: the beautiful crystal necklace i am wearing in the above picture arrived for me today from the beautiful henna fairy. the timing, the mere presence of it is divine ~ just this morning i was envisioning a blue crystal necklace to help open my throat chakra, feel them good blue athena vibrations and speak them leonie truths...

in the book of leonie...

lost and found...

"water nymph dreaming" ~ photography & mixed media

In my lifetime,
I hope to develop
Arms that are strong,
Hands that are gentle,
Ears that will listen,
Eyes that are kind,
A mind full of wisdom,
A heart that understands,
A tongue that will speak softly.
~ Unknown


i am lost in my own equations,
but found through the wisdom of dear friends.


linksworthy:
three beautiful things
funky sticks furniture
anne grgich art
wild sister arts

delicious.

reading:
::: gail writes deliciously.
she turns each phrase over and over in the space between her mind and pen. they tumble out, and catch observances of daily life.
she is gentle, kind, intelligent. young spirited, wise soul. she likes the good things in life: pens, family, journals, journeys.
and i am blessed to call her my friend.

::: book of shadows by phyllis curott

i highly recommend the experience of both!


off to women's circle tonight...
i offer you the courage of athena to walk your talk and speak your truth.

comic art fest

ben

chris & i trundled along to the opening of the comic art exhibition over at the artist's shed on saturday. my freaking cool bus friend, ben, was part of the exhibition with his delectable toons.

the range of comic art was astounding and got me & hunky boyfriend hankering to go home and paint. from conductors to masturbating jesuses, 70's flower women to political geoff pryor toons... i dug it.

ben & i then decided to form a dance troupe. anything for a photo op, really.



funny, irreverent, colour filled days...

:)

Leonie the Moon Goddess...

me at last full moon...
photo by chris


We CREATE our experience on earth.
We CHOOSE our lessons.
And sometimes they seem indecipherable, so encoded are those lessons in hurt and pain.
Nonetheless, everything is blessings-soaked.

I convene a sacred circle...

You ring the front bell, and hear soft tinkling in the distance.
You are greeted at the door by me.
I am wearing cloths of azure blue.
My hair lies curling, nestled around my face.
You are dressed in your finest goddess/god outfit. You are comfortable in your skin.

We hug gently. We breathe deeply into the hug, enwrapped in the embrace of dear friendship. We hug for as long as we wish. We part, and magic crackles in the space between.

I take you by the hand, lead you through the curtains. There, through the curtains, a circle awaits. A circle of beautiful faces. Some are familiar. Some you haven't met yet.

In the middle of the circle there is an altar. On there, are feathers. Shells. Figurines of goddesses. Candles. Sweet smelling herbs. You are welcome to place whatever items you like on the altar. The ones that are precious to you.
I move forward. I place a rose quartz crystal statue of an angel on the altar.

There are rugs, pillows on the floor. You take a seat.
You are comfortable and safe and jubilant as something inkles within you. You sense you have been here before. You begin to wonder if possibly, maybe, yes maybe, there is a divine goddess within you. A goddess, a god who made a pledge to come back, to experience human life and human emotion, yet to find their way to this sacred circle (again).

You are welcome to take a place in our sacred circle. To wear those threads that make you feel impossibly, divinely you. To bring those sacred items with you. We all hold our hands. Declare the space to be sacred. Ask for seen and unseen ones to be present. To awaken us from our waking dream.

Here you may share.
Here you may breathe.
Here you can rest in the presence of conscious others.
The talking stick is passed around. A strong stick embellished with feathers and jewels and bells. When you hold this talking stick, you are allowed to share unconditionally. It is passed around the circle. You each have a turn.

You are in awe as you listen to others speak. How they share their journeys. You hear yourself speak, and you are amazed at this honest, courageous woman who stirs and bellydances within you.

This is sacred space.

After we have finished, we feast on chocolate covered strawberries. Succulent dips. Warm muffins. Grapes.

When you leave, you are changed. Because you never really leave the sacred circle. You have glimpsed the divine, in you, in others.
This is sacred space.

You are welcome to share about your divine threads. Your object for the altar. What you would like to share with the talking stick.
How you have experienced your days. Its gifts, its lessons. Your deepest fears, your deepest blossoming dreams. The divine that glimmers in you.
This is sacred space. You are safe, supported, held as you share.

With deepest love, Leonie

"i hear you mother earth"
photo collage of me
by ellanita arlee, leader of the jaguar temple

a w a k e

A person asked Buddha:

"Are you a God?"

Buddha’s reply was

"No."

"Are you an Angel?"

"No."

"Then what are you?"

"I am Awake."

~ Unknown Source



thank you all so much for the scrumptious welcome backs...
i love "seeing" all of your smiling faces again.
i'm not ready to share yet about my time away,
i am taking the time to digest and savour for myself.
you know when sometimes you just want to hold things close to your chest for a while?
how the most truthful and honest thing sometimes is silence?

so for now, i leave you with some designs i did for the glorious cinzia

i believe in you i believe in you i believe in you i believe in you

back...

am back again...
feeling a bit homesick
& inbetween two worlds.
the pluses however, are:
1. I have sunburn & heat rash {which just screams I'VE BEEN ON HOLIDAYS}
2. I've had a fabulous time.

:)

words that my wise dad in law told me have stuck in my head...
today i wrote them l a r g e in my journal on the plane home.


:::
when anything happens, do 3 things:

A C C E P T it.

T R U S T that you are guided, looked after, and that all is well in the scheme of the world.

M O V E T H R O U G H I T. as gracefully, stumbling, lovingly as you can.

:::

that's all for now. i have many pictures...
but more importantly, i have memories.

my arms ache to be around my little nephew Josh.
feet want to be back there, strolling in the morning dew.

all is well in the world...

everything is soaked in BLESSINGS.

love
leonie

out of office...

.

off on holidays...


we're flying out tomorrow morning, back to my hometown halfway across the country to the whitsundays...

here's what i look forward to ~

::: seeing my two sisters, becky and mooks, who i haven't seen in a year... how things change in a year... how we move, grow, change, become, find strength.
my sisters are B R A V E... this last year they've ventured into the unknown, where wilder, tastier things blossom. new dreams. singledom. overseas travel.
i'm so proud of my two sisters, and can't WAIT to see them again!

::: i can't wait to take my shoes off and plant my toesies in the lush greeeeeeen grasses of home

::: my parent's farm. i want to be there in the quiet, watching the sun rise over the paddocks. the mist rolls over the fields. the patter of vinnie the dog's feet. the farmhouse, and the smell of rain as it comes rolling in. the soft nuzzle of the miniature horses that live in the houseyard ~ stormy and jack. watching the sunset down over the lake, over the mountains, from atop the dog's large concrete kennel. i miss it there. the place i grew up on, was nourished on. the earth held me still. i'll be there soon.

::: seeing the whole family. my mum and dad and big bro and sweet little niece and nephew. laughing over the large dinner table, the lavash farmhouse food, the blue wooden walls that encase my memories.

::: catching up with my sweet friend jade, who was my best friend in primary school. we haven't seen each other in years. time has aged us, wizened us (perhaps), and inevitably, brought us closer together.

::: the beach. oh sweet, sweet beach, how i have missed you. my nostrils will make love to the salt that dances in the wind. i will bathe my toes in sand and in water.


i'll be back next wednesday.

until then, i grant you the sweetest peace,
the knowing that you don't have to prove anything, you are marvellous and beautiful just the way you are,
i will remember this myself.
i bathe you in the sweet light of athena, in the knowledge of great love and spirit,
i carry you in my pocket on adventures wide and small,
and i pass to you, on a small pink note, this:
you have all touched me. your words ring in my heart.
i turned, and i turned, and i looked in the mirror, and i found myself: glimpses of goddess.
how *you* see me.
i wonder how many times i have circled with each of you. held each other's hands in the rain. helped one another give birth. go through initiations. dance alivened in the sky together, as cosmos angels.
i wonder if once upon a time me and princessraqs did go adventuring in the forest, making friends with bears.
and if i really did see maitri libellule in a salon, resplendent in her pink feather boa.
and i wonder if me and thistlegirl really were in instanbul to see the goddess.
so many other dreams and intuitions come to us. they seek to reveal to us the truth of our own divinity, of the MIRACLES that have flowed in our lives since time began, the connections we have made with each other.

i feel myself grow luminously stronger every day.
some days i feel tired by all the awakenings, insights, lessons, and i mule over the idea of being a spiritual slob...
but i know it's worth it. keep on keeping on. shine, little love beans, shine, because it's what we can do. to shine is our potential, to shine is our magnificence.

i love you all dearly.
each of you has given me feathers to add to my wings,
and so i offer to you, feathers,
to S O A R.

with love like integrity of earth, fluidity of the oceans, passion of the fire, vibrancy of the air,
leonie

beauty, joy and strength...

.

latest commission...

"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to except life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
~ Henry Miller

this is what i'm obsessed with...

.


charlie's paws.

when he lies, like this, with paws up...
i can't stop myself.

i have to touch them.

is there any possibility of something being

too cute?

over the plains...

.


After such a blissful weekend, I spent last week feeling teary, angry, uncomfortable and emotional. Over nothing and everything. I was cranky over the cold. I wanted to be a working artist NOW goddamit. I wanted to spill my energy into something worthwhile, not endless spreadsheets and documents. I bruised my funny bone (both literally and metaphorically). I felt angry over the past, then critical of myself for not having healed it. I imagined arguments in my head before they even happened. I lost balance and found myself once again going to sleep with bleary eyes and a head full of computering. No hours clocked at the art table. An impending return home to the heartland of smalltown Proserpine, and all that it brings. I cried and cried last night over "The Notebook" movie. I have felt huge fears about ~ not dying ~ but LIVING. The same pain that comes after reading "The Red Tent." The fear of not living with my full heart. And the fear of living with that full heart, and being in deep pain.

All these things still raging in my fringe~torn mind this morning.
So we go for a walk. We drive to Tidbinbilla National Park, and we walk the fields of Birrigai Time Trail. The plains are filled with running gullies of water, emus and large tribes of peaceful kangaroos. They watch us as we walk.
The gravel is wet and deeply, satisfyingly crunchy under our feet. I step over kangaroo footprints, and for a moment I feel connected to the earth, and all that roams it. Yet still the mind canters dutifully over all the things I fear in life:
losing, great tragedies, broken hearts, unfulfilled hearts, death, illness, childbirth, love. how the years escape us. all these things. my solar plexus ACHES with all of this. how do i deal? how do i become? how can i face all of these events... these ones that pull our heart from its very sockets?
we stop by a billabong of water nestled between the trees. a rabbit trundles off. the frogs croak unseen from the water's edge. we sit there for a while, chris tells me of the latest shaman book he is reading, with the part about fallen trees. most people just say: it is a fallen tree. a shaman looks and sees a tree that was born, has lived, and fallen to the earth again.

a metaphor indeed.

he takes my hand, and we begin our climb up the mountain.
It's not just any mountain. At the top are huge granite stones leaning together, forming Birrigai Rock Shelter. It is like an Australian, earthmade Macchu Picchu. Evidence of Aboriginal use of this area dates back to the last Ice Age, 21 000 years ago. They came to this mountain during the summer months to marry and have initiation ceremonies. It is serene and beautiful, looking over the valley to where mountain lays on the next mountain range. I hear singing voices echoing from the granite. Around every corner, there is mystery and stories untold.

I lay inside the rockshelter. Imagine the fire smoking curling to the ceiling. Still I am sore and afraid of the aching adventure of living.

I go back into the daylight.

Stand on a rock facing out to the valley. And I say my vows again to myself. I love you, Leonie. I will honour your intentions, intuition and self. You are surrounded in love. I recommit to myself, and it feels like returning home.

I lie on top of one of the flat palms of granite. Look up to my friend, the sky. Reassurances and loveliness in blue. Like a lizard gone cold from the darkness, I feel the sun radiating warmth into my centre. My hands on my belly, where I am born, and where I will give birth, and my neck where the sadness wells, I allow myself to feel the pain, and begin to be healed. I lay there in the sun for a long time.

We walk back down the hill, mostly in gentle silence.

A kangaroo bounds around us, and we stand and watch its large bounds. We marvel at how effortlessly distance is travelled. Kangaroos are me and Chris' totem: They are an animal that cannot move backwards. Only forwards.

So with animals, the earth, and history unveiling gentle truths,
I venture forward. Sometimes stumbling, sometimes skipping.
But feeling a little less achy than before.

goddess in green...

.


"This is your life — not a myth. Let your life be
one that inspires myth making —don’t make
your life a slave to the myths of the past.
Do It!"

~ follow your dreams


:: go check out my delcious goddess of honour ~ sonya's blog for her rundown of the weekend magic.

when goddesses unite part 2

.

me, my dear friend debra, gorgeous gaby (cali poppy) & redsonja

when goddesses unite,
we do extraordinary, marvellous things.
even when they are small and ordinary,
a certain mystery and magic flickers beneath the service of the everyday.

after our ceremony at hanging rock, we returned home to my waiting lover & partner, Chris, who was cooking up a storm fit for goddesses!

it was an evening filled with sushi and wine, giggles and stories of oblong objects. good food, and gorgeous goddesses, and a hunky god servant.


me & chris

we laughed. and we laughed.
we celebrated my wedding. and we celebrated being together. and we celebrated for all that we are.




gaby and sonya... we wore our fairy crowns most of the weekend

by the time deb left, we all knew each other far, far too intimately.


gabs, deb, sonya, me

i got far too excitable.



sonya & charlie dog fell in love.



life doesn't get any better than this...



...

THE NEXT MORNING...



sonya and gaby were woken by a bed buddy
can you see how much charlie adores his aunty sun?

then it was off to the markets...


we relish our churros & matching pink beanies!

and then on to soiree around the canberra sights {read: good places for spontaneous photo shoots}




darling sonya


us laughing hysterically...


she just looked like an angel up there...


goddess groupies on the grass


i get tired, so sun offers me a piggy back

we returned home to create creative havoc in my studio by creating collaged dreamboards



my finished dreamboard...



gaby's...



sonya's...



i love how magical they are... and how they are intertwined through shared imagery, and memories.

that night we ate pizza and drank sangria.
we talked about the next time we would meet again.
they hid secret messages around my house to find after they had left {the most precious ones are in the toilet room!}

the next morning, they left...
and i miss them fiercely. i keep hearing gaby's laugh. keep seeing sonya's face.

but it was worth it. you know you've had a good time when you miss them as soon as you see their waving hands drive out of sight.



thank you, my precious women,
for the funniest, loveliest, most magical weekend.
i love you both dearly.



love,
Leonie

when goddesses unite part 1. the wedding.

.
on saturday afternoon, darling redsonja (sonya) & california poppy (gaby) drove their car onto my lawn. life would never be the same.

we hugged there. we readied ourselves.
we dressed in our most gorgeous goddess wear.
then we drove to my favourite place in canberra ~ hanging rock at tidbinbilla national park.

we walked up the path, up the hill to where this big beautiful rock sat. It has been there for aeons. It has been used as an Aboriginal shelter for hundreds of years. Ceremonies have taken place.

we were about to have our own ceremony.

a woman stood at the top. a beautiful woman.
my magnificent friend, debra.


debra is beautiful

my two new, old friends are my goddesses of honour.
debra gives us crowns of fresh flowers to wear.


gaby & sonya

and i am the bride. i am the groom.

there is a beautiful altar.



we smudge. we hold hands. there are the four directions. gods and goddeses names said. buffalo calf woman. quan yin. shiva. odin.

and then a mirror is held.
my hands are fasted together.
i gaze into a mirror and recite my own vows to myself.



Leonie, I promise to love and honour you.
I made a promise aeons ago to remember self love.

my goddesses help me. they pass me the moonstone ring i had chosen for myself.


my darling goddesses of honour & me

and debra marries me. to myself.

I marry me. I choose me.

I climb to the top of a rock and pronounce my name to the world.
Leonie. The Goddess.



There with beautiful women, by a beautiful rock.



We rejoice. We circle. We choose love.


trying out the blessings of honey, wine & salt

sonya makes such a beautiful fairy...



debra dreams upon rock...



gaby is glorious...



i am so grateful to have shared this sacred time with these women.
i am slowly digesting the beauty, wisdom & great love,
that i saw in them, and that i saw in me.

And that's how we began our adventure...



magnificently, whimsically, in the forest...

{to be continued tomorrow night...}

all my love,
Leonie
glowing bride & goddess