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a signature commission...
"We live in a world of theophanies. Holiness comes wrapped in the
ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of
angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb. Life wants to lead you
from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to
unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its
treasure."
~ Macrina Wiederkehr
another signature commission...
yes, i've been quiet.
i need to be.
there are things ruffling and lingering and sticking to my chest
a cold that won't go away.
it's all a blessing,
just a little uncomfortable in the process.
whatever it may be,
i feel sure that it is all perfectly as it needs to be.
that i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
all this stickyness is propelling me forward
into a world and a future and a promise and a destiny
and that is so precious,
so beautiful,
so needed.
everything is a blessing.
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"Dive deeply into the miracle of life and let the tips of your wings be burnt by the flame, let your feet be lacerated by the thorns, let your heart be stirred by human emotion, and let your soul be lifted beyond the earth."
~ Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan
"Call of the Dervish"
at the start of the year,
i wrote this blog entry
on my cousin's birthday.
dobbo and i grown up together, and fallen out of contact for a few years.
we both had been looking for each other,
and on his birthday, i made the wish we would reconnect.
it only took six months for my wish to be heard.
today i got an email from dobbo.
the blessings moon is shining.
just put your wishes out there to the universe
and in time,
they will come.
.
me at beltane...
Imagine A Woman
by Patricia Lynn Reilly
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experiences and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself.
Who listens to her needs and desires, and meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
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collaborative painting by me and chris, today.
"There must be always remaining in every life, some place for the singing of angels, some place for that which in itself is breathless and beautiful."
~ Howard Thurman
. creating
. art table
. a furry attention seeking dog
. french kiss. flip flops over a french kevin kline. why am i so affected by movies?
. dreams of another time another place another yearning
. wet rain, cold weather, a sore throat
. $4 canvasses on sale (hurrah!)
. books and words
. dutch almond cakes
. paintings of dogs, spirit people, mountains, collaging. splattered pastels with dreams over the top
. updated art & photography galleries
. new things. i eat tamarillos. i vision with a purple candle. i see angels in its flame.
wishing you these days.
these normal, ordinary, rainy days,
filled with simple delights, paint on fingers
and angels in candleflame.
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Leonie's List of Things to Do This Life Continued...
56. Work in a bookstore
57. Perform a rain dance
58. Wear a grass skirt and a coconut bra
59. Get a professional dress-ups photo taken (dressed up like another era)
60. Baptise a baby
61. Find a signature perfume scent
62. Create a dreamboard
63. Watch a foal being born
64. Marry myself
65. Give birth
66. Find a song that sings about a Leonie
67. Have no idea about what I'm going to be doing for a year
68. Tell a stranger they look beautiful
69. Give a spontaneous hug to someone I wouldn't usually.
70. Cut and polish a rock
71. Make a plaster cast of my breasts & belly and paint it
72. Belly dance in blue
73. See a buffalo
74. Take photos of the red dirt of the Grand Canyon against a blue blue sky.
75. Gondola. Venice.
76. Meet SARK.
77. Paint rocks
78. Paint with ochre rock dust
79. Create my own set of oracle cards
80. Delve and acknowledge the wisdom of my authentic and ancient self
81. Drink tea made from loose tea leaves
82. Make a necklace
83. White water raft
84. Ride a horse again
85. get henna painted on my hands
tai chi full moon goddess
i met chris for lunch.
i said:
all my life i have been good. very good.
i did exactly what people thought was the right thing for me to do.
at every step in the road, i have known what to do and what was next.
a daily guru email this morning struck me deeply.
it said:
“If you see your path laid out in front of you -- Step one, Step two, Step three -- you only know one thing... it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else's path. That is why you see it so clearly.”
~ Joseph Campbell
What? No one to follow? Now that’s a scary thought!
And yet, that’s what life asks each of us to do – to chart our own path. We are each unique. We’re told our uniqueness is our gift to the world. And so why would we even want to follow in someone else’s footsteps?
Can we trust ourselves to carve our own trail?"
the "right path" ahead i saw before isn't MY path. it's not the way i want to l i v e.
chris said to me some time back that everyone should be naughty at some stage in their life. go against the grain. do exactly as you please without accommodating others. he did it, and he was glad for it. and he said to me: "you know, you've never really been naughty. you've always been the one with things under control, with everything perfect and right. you knew what to do. you've had "good jobs" (i.e. office jobs) ever since you were 18. what next?"
his words surprised me at the time. i hadn't thought about it like that before. he was right. i had never left space in my life for inconsistencies. i never had to dig deep because my career path was carved. i never truly asked myself what i wanted to be.
and now there is unsettle in me. i'm digging the dirt. i wonder what it would be like for six months to do something else. maybe longer.
i said to him:
you know, mermie paints rocks.
i would really like to paint rocks too.
i feel like there isn't enough time space in my life for things to grow. for me to be surprised and adventurous.
i'm not sure what will happen from here.
there is a life out there that i am dreaming up and dreaming of.
i want to grab it.
at the moment when people ask me what "i do"... i say i'm a full time public servant, a part time university student and i have a creative business on the side (that usually gets squeezed out coz of time).
and people always say back: wow, that's a lot of stuff.
i would like to say:
i paint rocks.
i take pictures.
i paint.
i write.
sometimes i work in a bookstore.
change is afoot.
not only is it afoot, but i am running on this big, beautiful earth.
running with the buffalo in search of my truth.
~
update on my "one new thing everyday project"
today i:
* did not turn my laptop on before i went to work {i usually scoff my breakfast over my laptop}
* i instead did tai chi in the morning while listening to enigma.
* did tai chi under the full moon. in a beanie and gloves and jumper in raquel's goddess skirt. it was supposed to snow tonight, and there i was in the backyard, doing seranade to the full moon, humming songs to myself. {i highly recommend the experience}
* began painting my own moon cycle stick
what have you done NEW today?
how do you see your trail onwards?
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The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.
e. e. cummings
Last night was my women's circle. It was beautiful and empowering and insightful.
My incredible friend Deb led it, and today I find myself sorting through the gifts, blessings and lessons. One of the tasks she gave us was this:
For one month, do one NEW thing every day.
it can be small, it can be big. it can be as simple as driving a different way.
it's moving outside of our box of regularity, comfort and restrictions.
it's opening space for new things to appear and grow.
i am so excited by its possibilities.
Yesterday I ate a persimmon.
Today I did THREE THINGS: I chose a sandwich instead of a donut at lunch {donuts no longer serve me}. When I got home I did some tai chi and it was divine. AND then I made handmade raspberry hot sauce to eat over ice-cream for the first time.
following this... i got inspired by natalie mac's "Things to Do this life" list.
So here's mine. I might get some done this month.
Who knows where these deliciously adventurous days will take me...
Leonie's beginning list of THINGS TO DO
1. Have a midnight picnic
2. Paint my nails bright purple
3. Have a bicycle with streamers on the handlebars
4. Have henna painted on the palms of my hands
5. Read tea leaves
6. Learn how to say "thank you" in six languages. {three completed. three to go.}
7. Play Bingo in a Bingo hall.
8. Scuba dive
9. Hanglide
10. Wear a lot of bangles on my wrists so I can make music when I *sashay*
11. Swim with dolphins
12. Spread happy graffiti/street stickers
13. Photograph project of street art
14. Hold the hands of my beloved on a beach and say *I do* while looking intensely into his eyes
15. Begin & finish my second gratitude journal
16. Finish reading "Women who run with the Wolves"
17. Read "Mists of Avalon"
18. Read a Henry Miller book
19. Finish an Anais Nin book
20. Have a book launch
21. Write silly and insightful sayings on t-shirts and wear them
22. Paint like a goddess
23. Watch "What the Bleep Do we Know"
24. Watch the Qaatsi trilogy
25. Record a full length song
26. Dance on a table
27. Design my own sticker series
28. Feel truly enriched, uplifted and satisfied by my career. Touch other's lives with my work.
29. Get published by a publishing house
30. Paint a photo frame
31. Have a big treasure chest of artsy goodies
32. Make an altar
33. Cook a creme brulee
34. Play a magical April Fool's Day trick
35. Get an eyebrow ring
36. Rockclimb
37. Have bright blue hair
38. Canoe/Kayak on Lake Burley Griffin
39. Go to a Sacred Heart Gathering at Uluru
40. Howl at full moon
41. Learn the dates for star signs off by heart
42. Get a tattoo
43. Do an art portfolio up with photos of all my works
44. Learn Tibetan Buddhist meditation
45. Dance on a beach at night
46. Have a LeoniePaLooza
47. Sleep under the stars again
48. Hike for three days
49. Eat noodles again at a streetvendor stall in SE Asia
50. Have a hammock.
51. Own a blue car
52. Add to this list
53. Change my name to Leonie Cougar Mellancamp Allan {or not}
54. Dress in disguise
55. Get so flexible i can bend my head to my knees
i DARE YOU to write your own.
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commission, today.
Where to begin?
I post this now, instead of tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night is a gathering of the women's circle.
I am so looking forward to being back there. Being with my women.
Revealing. Releasing. Surrendering. Opening. Learning.
I am ready for the lessons. The journeying.
I am ready to walk with my buffalo spirits.
I see them everytime I close my eyes.
They are there. Their gentleness and massive bodies calm me.
I walk beside them. I run beside them.
They nuzzle my side and push me forward.
Walk your walk, Leonie. Walk your talk. Now is the time.
The buffalo power and sureness of step comforts me, encourages me.
I ask for their lessons. I will share my gifts with them.
I know my shift. I have felt introverted and seeking in the deepness of the West.
The West has given me lessons and gifts I needed. It granted me the serenity of darkness for my own internal search. Held by mother Bear, I was soothed and wonderously lost and found again. The finding is a gradual unpeel, a stripdance of the spirit, unravelling threads which are tangled and long to be free.
The sun shines towards me from the north now, and I am gathering my belongings from my cave. There are fields and plains to walk across in the destiny of my own truth.
I began reading a book last night. Native Wisdom by Ed McGaa, a Native American. A book just as I need it, long for it, dream of it.
I find my balance today. Long hours in my homeland of the art table. Creating, drawing, freeing the coloured energies from my body. It has been months since I painted last. You begin to worry that you have lost it, but you haven't. It's there for the uncovering and delighting in, always.
I speak my truth. I am conscious of my thoughts.
I am doing the very best I can.
I want henna painted on the palms of my hands in the shape of a sun.
I want the energy to pour from them.
I want I want I want.
I ask and I ask.
I read a part of a book in a store the other day. Tomorrow I will find the book and claim it as my own.
A 17 year old girl said:
We girls, we stand in front of the mirrors for hours on end.
We are wondering what others think of us, how they see us.
But we aren't asking what we want for ourselves.
I'm asking now.
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Had a fantastically creative day.
Filled with hours sitting at my wooden art table by the glass doors, light flooding in.
The sweet scent of banana cake cooking as rain dropped from the heavens outside.
Painting and cutting and uncovering.
Today's creative series is called "The NEWS Letters."
A while ago, I doodled all over the faces in a newspaper.
I kept the paper, and today I stuck them in my journal, along with letters cut out from the paper.
They were like little love notes and reminders to myself, inspired by the characters in the pictures that I had caricatured over. I realised that however we think about others is so much a part of how we think of ourselves. This is me, claiming my thoughts, judgements and values.
I even made a few stalker postcards to send to friends. I dare you to do the same! There's nothing like sending mysterious unsigned cut~out letter love notes to bond a friendship. *gigglesnort*
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inspired by the mermaid who dances.
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joy is in charlie, rear vision mirror
"For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair."
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Joy is not in events or others.
It does not wait for us to do or be a certain thing, or live in a certain place.
It is in us.
It is available for accessing now.
Joy lives in the reaches of our spirit.
It is our undeniable human right.
.
so i took my own advice...
here's a project i set for my dear friend lis today:
"Think about what you want,
not what you don't want.
Set some time away for some journalling on what you want.
{Please tell me you have a journal! :)}
See yourself as clear, clean, powerful, healthy, joyful, strong, living.
Tell the universe what it is you desire."
I WANT...
~
and just as i post this,
i read sonja's I WANT list!
serendipity:::big dreaming energy out there!
.
yesterday on our road trip, i did some journalling:
"what do i want from my friendships"
i thought: if i want this to happen, i need to let the universe know what it is i want.
it's not about what i don't want:
it's about what my heart calls for, how i want my friendships to evolve.
it was revealing, and I learned so much about ME in my process.
how i want to grow deeper in my friendships,
what i still have to learn.
my friend deb says:
it's a friendSHIP. big enough to fit everyone on.
otherwise it would be called a friendCANOE.
what does your heart call for?
how do you want your connections to grow?
remember, sometimes you have to ASK
in order to receive!
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a scrumptious weekend
yesterday it was the rainiest day of the year,
the sky hung heavy pinned to grey cumulonimbus bosoms.
i was achy and exhausted from my big week...
but we had "Things To Do" and errands to run in the rain.
So we walked together under the red umbrella, with arms around each other.
Or we ran madly in the rain, giggling. Feeling crazy and young and free. And incredibly wet.
We also had a YAY TEAM US moment!
We decided we needed a new couch: Charlie and Chris both like to l~o~u~n~g~e out, belly up, leaving lil Leonie squished in the corner. So we ended up testing out $3 000 leather lounges with double recliner actions and armchairs. Thankfully, before we signed our lives away to consumer debt and luxuriated asses, we sat quietly with ourselves before realising that we really didn't want to spend travel and adventure money on a couch. No matter how reclineable it was.
So we walked {in the rain} down the road to the cheap and cheerful place.
And we got ourselves the most scrumptious "sorbet lime" coloured couch for an even more scrumptious $300. It is GREEN, lurid green...
and absolutely, perfectly what we wanted.
thus the importance of listening to what your insides say,
and trusting in lime divine.
today we decided to take a road trip up into the alpine country ~ a small country town called Adaminaby, population 230, about 2 hours from here. we decided to take charlie dog on his first road trip!
he was incredibly excited to be out and about, and spent most of the way there with his head against the window.
it was beautifully foggy...
the mist rolled over the hills and into valleys, accentuating the morning light and the stark winter skeletons of trees.
it was lovely to be seeing new land. car space is meditation space. talking space. testing out lime green ipod music space {lime green... must be something in the air}...
also self portrait space
when we got to adaminaby, of course we had to stop to see "THE BIG TROUT"
we drove on to lake eucumbene... a big man~made lake teeming with trout and attractive trout fishermen in checked shirts.
the soil around the lake was an incredible red, the lake a gorgeous blue ~ i loved the contrast. {i also loved the hot guy walking his mega cute dog... oh hang on, they look familiar...}
when i looked closer at the rocks on the red soil... i realised they were ochre rocks in varying shades of yellow, orange, red and white.
i rubbed some against a rock to see all the shades...
oh look! a natural forming "i love chris" rock!
it was a wonderful adventure...
on the way home, charlie slept well :)
i journalled joyfully away...
and the obligatory "road trippers" photo...
i loved my weekend.
my top moments of the weekend:
1. playing with the ochre rocks by the lake
2. running in the rain
3. soup making on a sunday arvo
4. lying on my belly talking to charlie, and having him talk back {he told me he was really hungry, and didn't really like eating my soup.}
chris' top 3 moments:
1. taking charlie on an adventure
2. the rain
3. lime green ipod
sometimes joy is found in the adventures.
when you kick yourself up the butt just to get out there,
in the rain, in the mist, in the ochre rock,
and let joy pounce on you and be discovered.
and sometimes its just as simple as lying on your belly and looking in your dog's eyes.
big blessings, in so many ways.
love,
leonie
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"It is never about how good your voice is; it is only about feeling the
urge to sing, and then having the courage to do it with the voice you
are given."
~ Katie in 'True to Form' by Elizabeth Berg
yup. i've redesigned the front page again. :)
every couple of months i find that the old no longer fits my skin
so i shed and i change and i grow anew.
~
i've been drinking in...
a creative corner
{hope it doesn't make you shy, darling sonja, but your voice and your words and your images are just so beautiful and make us all acknowledge our pains and yearnings}
leigh vega so rocking
photos of NYC people
52: A Picture A Week
Intoxicating pictures of people in their environment
~
watching tom green's subway monkey hour
HELL FUNNY
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jade & me when we were 12
"She laughs, puts up the tea
She says "You know I think you remember every part of me."
And the water starts to boil
And if I had a camera
Showing all the light we give
And showing where the light extends
I'd give it to my friends
Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
And I like the whole truth
But there are nights I only need forgiveness
Sometimes they say "I don't know who you are
But let me walk with you some"
And I say "I am alone, that's all
You can't save me from all the wrong I've done."
But they're waiting just the same
With their flashlights and their semaphores
And I'll act like I have faith and like that faith never ends
But I really just have friends"
~ Dar Williams, My Friends.
was thinking about things today
recently i got in touch with my first really truly best friend from primary school
we hadn't been in contact since high school...
and while there were years there without talking to my favourite jade the fairy
i am so GLAD that things worked out that way.
why?
because now when i get emails from her i get tears in my eyes and a swelling in my heart.
things have D E E P E N E D
we can really excavate the hows and the whys and the what~fors of life, together.
we are even more thankful and consciously aware of our connection.
there is an honesty there, and a gentleness, and a "i'm so glad you're in my life."
maybe if we hadn't lost contact, we wouldn't be so aware of the precious gift of love that we share.
things have come in perfect timing. the universe aligned itself in just the right way at just the right moment. i have a feeling that just as we needed each other, we found each other again.
we were 11 or 12 when we first met. i remember seeing her for the first time, sitting on the concrete with the bunch of girls i ate morning tea with. she was the new girl at school and was eating a rock'n'roll pizza bun {I'd never seen one before}.
we became best friends. she was my first real best friend.
we were "bimbo & topsy" {i got to be bimbo.}
jadey knows me from forever ago, and still loves me.
that's got to be the most precious gift of all.
i am so incredibly grateful for the blessing
that has been the surge, the wane and the re~awakening of our friendship.
jade would even play dress ups with me. in public.
.
I'm over on Self Portrait Day!
~
"There are only two feelings.
Love and fear.
There are only two languages.
Love and fear.
There are only two activities.
Love and fear.
There are only two motives,
two procedures, two frameworks,
two results.
Love and fear.
Love and fear."
~ Michael Leunig
"When I talk to you: A Cartoonist talks to God"
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"As you think
So you are
As you Dream
so you become."
~
"Love who you want
Dress how you choose
Eat what you like
Give your mind a rest
And
Let your heart be your guide"
These are the words on a post-it note I found on my new desk at my new job.
{a sign perhaps? of course it is! i'm in the right place!}
Just a quick one before I run out the door, but I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to jade, zetty, tine, amber and redsonja who sent me "happy first day" messages.
You touched my heart.
Love,
Leonie
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"I can change. I can live out my imagination instead of my memory. I can
tie myself to my limitless potential instead of my limiting past."
~ Stephen Covey
i don't know
the title just JUMPED out at me
how am i feeling?
i am tired, feet sore and smelly from a hard day on my feet.
i am emotional.
it was my last day at work today with my beautiful workmates.
as of tomorrow i will be working in a different area of the department on promotion for three months.
today was incredibly busy... the launch of the project i've been working on for the last six months (http://www.business.gov.au).
then this afternoon, hugging everyone goodbye...
these are people who have become my dearest friends. i work right next to lile~flower, my adventure friend. other friends who have become so close to my heart, my philosophical discussion buddies, my darling pet/pimp daddy alex, my sweet spiritual hippy friends... my boss is the best i have ever had.
it feels surreal.
i love my happy crew...
i was quiet the whole way home in the car.
quiet, teary, just DIGESTING it all.
and i started thinking about what it was i was really feeling, and why...
there was a lot of feelings there. a lot.
not just about work. about life and old loves and things.
why i wanted to hold people. what i was afraid of. the impermanence of everything.
i hitched my knees to my chest, rested them there, as chris drives us. car lights flick by in the darkness. he stops at the fuel station. i look out at the world going by.
what are all these things teaching me?
it's not about the other people. it's about what i see of myself in them.
this is for all of them... the ones i love, the ones that make me feel uncomfortable, the ones that break my heart, the ones that challenge me and make me think.
i see parts of myself i love. parts i need to heal. parts i want to grow out of. parts i want to discover.
my friend deb says to me...
you don't need to worry. you will draw exactly the people you need into your life.
i will. i believe.
i'll fumble, i'll fall, i'll make my errors of judgement.
but they are mine. and i adore them as pieces of my journey.
tomorrow i start my new job.
i have faith, that everything will work out wonderfully.
{and that they already are}
love,
Leonie
